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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > How to Strengthen Your Relationship > save my relationship
Expert: Sharon Crandall
Date: 5/14/2008
Subject: save my relationship
Question
am 22 and my girl friend is 19 we have been talking for almost two years she is my first lover and am her first lover we was once in love and talking about marrying each other am still in love with her and want to marry her but our relationship have been going up and down we got so tired of that yo-yo thing that we decide to be just bff but we were thinking if we started dating other people they want agree with our relationship and want us just to stop talking to each other we both feel like we can't go gone without each other in our lives she said she love me but not in love with me like she want to be she said feel more like a brother something she said am all ways irritating her and says when i do stuff i don't think i just do it and she thinks that i don't want nothing out of life because am 22 years working at a fast food joint with a high school diploma i apply for jobs almost everyday my background is clean i have a good work status but i can't seem to get hire anywhere i want to work and still live with my mom as do she she wants some one to support her i want to be that one so she thinks am not man enough for her we tired to break up complete stop talking to each other alot of times but we always find our selves right with each other she try to talk to someone else but he did not treat her like i do sweet,caring and gentle i thinks she thinks am to nice and sweet for her she wants someone to be rough with her that not really my style but trying to make it to be what can we do help us please?
Answer
Dear Ric,
This is the deal. It is natural for a woman to want a man who she thinks can support her and the family. It is often the case that women can't work for periods of time because of problems in pregnancy or problems with children's health. Since you are still taking care of your mother you are not a good prospect at this time. There must be a way that you can get more training or education so that she will feel you are on your way to a more stable financial condition.
As to her wanting you to be rougher, that is a problem. It might be that if you were on your way to better finances she would respect you more and feel you are stronger. It is hard to say and it is a problem because that is a personality difference and she really might just want another type of guy. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. It just means that you are not as compatible as it seems to you.
She is very young, still, too and so more than likely does not know what she really wants in life at this point. People change an awful lot of during these years, until around age 25 so I wouldn't be so anxious to make this your permanent relationship forever.
You want someone who loves you just the way you are, personality speaking. Finances are a different matter and will probably be important to most women.
I know you are anxious to make this work, but you can't force love and you can't make things work if you are not truly compatible.
All you can do, is do your best and see what happens. There is not much I can suggest when it seems to be a basic difference, other than what I suggested about establishing yourself financially.
Also, can your mother work? It is not fair for her to expect you to support her if she can work, as that is a real turnoff to most women, as well. Unless, it is obvious that she really needs your support and then it will be a plus, but not for you to live with her, just be able to help her financially.
I do hope this helps and that you are able to work things out, or else realize that it might not be the best situation for the both of you.
Sharon Crandall
Life is 4 Living Coach/Consultant
www.myspace.com/personality consultant
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