AboutLeon Scott Baxter Expertise I can answer questions about keeping love in committed relationships alive and fresh. I am
not the guy to go to if you're having marital problems or if you want to know how to meet
someone. (I've never been good at opening lines.)
I am dedicated to keeping the romance fires burning even after the embers of a new
relationship turn cold. Let me help you find ways to be excited about each other and your
relationship again.
Experience I have written two books, Out of the Doghouse , and A Labor With Love, to help keep romance alive in relationships. I give romance advice locally on radio have a regular newspaper column on relationships. I host a website, CouplesCommittedToLove.com, where I offer advice and give daily romance tips. I also have hosted the seminars, "Romance 101" and "The Valentine Prep Course".
Publications Santa Barbara Independent Magazine, MenStuff.com, SBParent.com, The Goleta Valley Voice, EducationNews.org
Education/Credentials Bachelor's Degree from the University of California, Santa Barbara, as well as a teaching credential.
Awards and Honors KLITE Community Hero and Ben & Jerry's Citizen Cool for my work with children and their focus on academic and personal improvement.
Listed in Who's Who in America. Name was placed on the National Wall of Tolerance for taking a stand against hate, injustice and intolerance.
In high school, voted "Most Likely To Host Saturday Night Live by 1999". Unfortunately, Lorne Michaels never called.
Question I have been going out my 15 year old boyfriend for over two months now and lately it hasn’t been going very well and we both want the relationship to work but the problem is I have ADHD and I get hyper and can get over the top he understands this but he wants me to show more affection towards him and I love him so much and I tell him I find it hard to show affection because I haven’t had affection show in my childhood but he says that I should be able to show affection to him if I really love him. I don’t want to lose him and I really need to start showing more affection because it will help me and him what can I do?
Answer Hello Chanin,
Do you take any meds for your ADHD? If so, are they working? If not, have you just decided to deal with it without medicines? So, as far as showing him affection, you are absolutely right. It's difficult to express love in a way that was never expressed to you. So, instead of just showing him affection, you need to LEARN how to show affection, since that was not a part of your upbringing.
How can you learn this? Well, first of all, do you want to learn to show affection? If you don't feel comfortable with it, you shouldn't force yourself, because you'll resent him and the relationship. There are many ways to express love other than through affection: kind words, surprises, making things for each other, planning activities, doing things for your partner. there's a great book (an easy read) by Gray Chapman called "The Five Love Languages", that explains the different ways to express love. You might want to look into it.
If you do want to become more affectionate, though, then you'll have to do two things. First, you'll want to make a conscious effort to show him affection. You might want to ask him what he sees as affection and work on doing these when you are together. Also, you'll need to tell him that he needs to show you affection. We learn, often, through others showing us. So, since you weren't show affection as a child, he may have to catch you up. So, ask him to be sure to make affection a part of your life, too.
