AboutKindred Beisinger Expertise I am able to answer questions regarding dating, courtship, and marriage after divorce. I feel equipped to address questions and comments regarding old baggage and past mistakes. I can also answer questions pertaining to blended families and step-children. I can not answer questions that involve manipulating the partners behavior or outlook.
Experience I am a minister that teaches and counsels G-d's instruction for stable relationships. My husband and I have both been married before. I have worked with battered women and facilitated groups for men with anger issues. As a minister, I have officiated several weddings in the past decade, with only one resulting in divorce.
Question My partner and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. We moved to London from Australia 2 1/2 years ago because we both wanted to see the world and travel and experience a new life together. At the start we were both excited about moving to London and being in a new city and experiencing this together. We got the internet on at our flat so we could keep in contact with friends and family more often so we didn't miss them so much. But I found out my boyfriend was using the internet to meet other women and have relationships with them over the internet. As far as I am aware he has never met up with anyone of them but has tried to. I am always checking and snooping on him which I hate as I think you need trust in a relationship. He met this one girl and was phoning her and e-mailing her all the time. I found out about this and confronted him and he said he was sorry and wouldn't do it again. He hasn't got in contact with her again as far as I know. But he is always on these chat websites, I have told him that I don't like it and that I don't trust him but he just can't help himself. I go to bed before him most nights and so he is on the internet at night and if I walk in to where he is he quickly shuts down the internet. I have told him this is a huge issue in our relationship and he acknowledges he has a problem. The other thing is he doesn't do a thing around the house. I do everything from getting his breakfast, getting his lunch, getting his dinner, washing his clothes, cleaning the house, organising all the bills to be paid and arranging our finances and he just doesn't want to take any responsibility. If I ask him to do something he says yes he will do it and then 2 hours later it is still not done so I just do it cause I get sick of asking and it avoids conflict with him. He plays video games for hours on end. He also has this friend who he knew from back home that he hangs out with all the time. He is single and all his other mates are single too so they all go out together and my boyfriend is the only one attached and every saturday night they go out. I say to him we need to spend more time together and he says he agrees but he is such a busy person, with his job and he plays sport on the weekend. I say well you find time to spend with your mates but you can't find the time to spend with me. I invited him to a football match the other day which I get tickets for and he said he couldn't go as he had to do work but he ended up spending all day long with his friend and he didn't get home until 5.30pm that day when he could have come with me. He never does anything romantic or even thoughtful for me. He has never once even bought me a thoughtful birthday present. He just gives me money to go get my own. I hate this. I have told him that I am not very happy and that all this is ruining our experience overseas and I just want to go home. I told him we should separate cause its quite obvious he is not fully interested in me. He says he loves me and wants a family with me and begged me not to go and asked for a month to prove himself. It has almost been a month now and he has done nothing to prove to me that he wants to be in a relationship with me. He is still going out with his mate even though I have asked him not to. He asked me to go out with them last week and again this weekend and I feel that i should go as this is the only time I get to spend with him but I know its not right and that he should be spending more time with me. I feel that the relationship has come to an end but I guess living overseas and away from family and friends I find it hard to leave. What do i do??
Answer Dear Alison,
It sounds like you have already made up your mind, but you just don't know how to walk on out. My advice is to get your courage up and move on out. Even if he changes for a week or a month, if it's for you and not who he really is, it will just go back to what you have now. He's clearly choosing to not do things with you, then puts you on the spot to tag along. He's even placed the break up responsibility on you, even though he's acting quite single.
I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you feel the relationship has come to an end, because you are finally tired of it and it's been one sided for some time. Get into a healthy relationship or at least out of an unhealthy one. You don't like who you are when you are snooping, and obviously there is a trust issue. You deserve someone that will participate in the relationship.
I wish you well.
Kind Regards,
Kindred
www.eingedi.us
