AboutLeon Scott Baxter Expertise I can answer questions about keeping love in committed relationships alive and fresh. I am
not the guy to go to if you're having marital problems or if you want to know how to meet
someone. (I've never been good at opening lines.)
I am dedicated to keeping the romance fires burning even after the embers of a new
relationship turn cold. Let me help you find ways to be excited about each other and your
relationship again.
Experience I have written two books, Out of the Doghouse , and A Labor With Love, to help keep romance alive in relationships. I give romance advice locally on radio have a regular newspaper column on relationships. I host a website, CouplesCommittedToLove.com, where I offer advice and give daily romance tips. I also have hosted the seminars, "Romance 101" and "The Valentine Prep Course".
Publications Santa Barbara Independent Magazine, MenStuff.com, SBParent.com, The Goleta Valley Voice, EducationNews.org
Education/Credentials Bachelor's Degree from the University of California, Santa Barbara, as well as a teaching credential.
Awards and Honors KLITE Community Hero and Ben & Jerry's Citizen Cool for my work with children and their focus on academic and personal improvement.
Listed in Who's Who in America. Name was placed on the National Wall of Tolerance for taking a stand against hate, injustice and intolerance.
In high school, voted "Most Likely To Host Saturday Night Live by 1999". Unfortunately, Lorne Michaels never called.
Expert: Leon Scott Baxter Date: 6/26/2008 Subject: is he cheating or am i paranoid???
Question WEll im 17 and have a boyfriend 19 who i love very much he is the love of my life we have been going out for six monthes now but i have known him since i was 5 years old and a few weeks ago i noticed he has changed alot he doesnt treat me the same way as before he use to buy me little gifts, flowers and hug and kiss me every chance he got he even proposed to me weŽll be gettin married in december(because of my age right now) but 2 weeks ago i found a note from one of his friends(a girl) saying how much she loves him and adores him, i confronted him about it and he said it was just a friend and that he would never cheat on me and to stop snooping in his thingys and yesterday i read one of heŽs emails(i know its a wrong thing to do) but he sent it to another girl telling her how much he cares for her and loves her could it be he is cheating on me or are they really just close friends?
Answer Hello L,
Well, first I would have to recommend that you guys extend your engagement a little past December. And, no, it's not because I think you two are too young. I tell this to any couple who wants to get married soon after dating.
When you first start to date, everything is perfect and you become "addicted" to one another. Actually, the chemicals released during the first 6 to 18 months of a relationship are the same involved with addiction to drugs. So, you're pretty much on a high during this time. So, you think things will be this way forever.
Unfortunately, they aren't. Our bodies stop releasing some of these chemicals and the high is gone. And, we generally enter a new stage of our relationships. I think this is where you are. Some relationships can survive this shift, while other can't. So, I would recommend just waiting a bit and seeing how this new stage works for you, before you tie the knot. Here's more information on what's going on when you see this drop in passion and excitement (http://couplescommittedtolove.com/report_10_fades.php).
As far as the note and the email, these might be red flags. First, though, if you really want this relationship to work and to get married, you can't sneak through his emails. Yes, you are right, he might be cheating. But, his indiscretion doesn't give you free reign to do the same.
It's obvious that you guys have trust issues right now. You don't trust him, so you look through his stuff. He doesn't trust you because you've looked through his stuff. You two need to get everything out in the open. In the meanwhile, you need to keep an eye out for any more indications that he may be cheating, or at least, falling for someone else.
Do you know this other person? Has he had a relationship with her yet? All the more reason to wait on the wedding. You don't want to start off your live together with you snooping through his emails and him sneaking messages to other girls.
If you can't iron out these wrinkles (maybe with professional help), then you may just want to keep dating and maybe even take a break from each other, and see if things can work better down the road.
