AboutLeon Scott Baxter Expertise I can answer questions about keeping love in committed relationships alive and fresh. I am
not the guy to go to if you're having marital problems or if you want to know how to meet
someone. (I've never been good at opening lines.)
I am dedicated to keeping the romance fires burning even after the embers of a new
relationship turn cold. Let me help you find ways to be excited about each other and your
relationship again.
Experience I have written two books, Out of the Doghouse , and A Labor With Love, to help keep romance alive in relationships. I give romance advice locally on radio have a regular newspaper column on relationships. I host a website, CouplesCommittedToLove.com, where I offer advice and give daily romance tips. I also have hosted the seminars, "Romance 101" and "The Valentine Prep Course".
Publications Santa Barbara Independent Magazine, MenStuff.com, SBParent.com, The Goleta Valley Voice, EducationNews.org
Education/Credentials Bachelor's Degree from the University of California, Santa Barbara, as well as a teaching credential.
Awards and Honors KLITE Community Hero and Ben & Jerry's Citizen Cool for my work with children and their focus on academic and personal improvement.
Listed in Who's Who in America. Name was placed on the National Wall of Tolerance for taking a stand against hate, injustice and intolerance.
In high school, voted "Most Likely To Host Saturday Night Live by 1999". Unfortunately, Lorne Michaels never called.
Question I am absolutely in love with my boyfriend. There is no doubt about it, and I am sure he loves me too. However, I am afraid our relationship is going downhill. We're 19 years old and have been dating for almost 2 years. This is not our first serious relationship, but we both have never been in love. We are eachother's first love. However, we have been intimate in previous relationships. The catch is that I am newly pregnant, and we want to become a family. Yet, we constantly complain, nag, and bicker. It has become a major issue. I don't need this while I'm pregnant, and I don't want us to feel like we have to be together because of the baby. It should be all about true love. Ever since I went to college, things have changed, and I still spent every weekend with him. I just want us to spend more time together because he hardly has time for me, as he's always with his friends. How can he possibly make time for our child? Plus, I'm tired of arguing. I want things to be back to the way they were, when we were crazy about eachother. What do I do?
Answer Hello Tanisha,
Right around 18 months into a relationship (if not earlier) couples generally realize that the "perfect relationship" has become a bit more monotonous and maybe even boring. Couples start to notice the imperfections in their partners and little things that didn't really bother them, now become fuel for arguments. It's all very common, but something that needs to be worked on so you don't just "survive" this relationship, but, rather, enjoy it. Here, read up a bit about the brain chemistry that makes this happen (http://couplescommittedtolove.com/report_10_fades.php).
Speaking of brain chemistry, you have more to contend with than just the loss of the "honeymoon stage". You also must deal with all that comes with pregnancy, hormones, starting a new family, and becoming parents.
So, this is what I suggest. First, sit down and talk with him about your relationship and your future/family. No nagging. No attacking. Do becoming defensive. You two will be caring for a brand new life soon, so you will need to act mature. Might as well start now.
Talk about what you both want and maybe even look into what it takes to get that "spark" back that you are lacking (you'll find that in the link I gave you). But, keep in mind, that you won't ever get back to the way things were at the beginning. Love changes. But, you can get real close, but it takes consistent effort on both of your parts. And, besides, this new stage can be really wonderful also.
Next, take a look at this link (http://couplescommittedtolove.com/pregnancy_romance.php). It focuses exclusively on your relationship during pregnancy. It's very important, because pregnancy, too, changes your relationship. If you want you can sign up for my newsletter for pregnant couples. It's delivered via email each month for free (http://couplescommittedtolove.com/register.php). And, I'm not one to pitch my work very often when I'm asked for advice, but I think your situation really would benefit from my book for pregnant couples, "A Labor With Love". It's really a book for expecting dads. You may want to look into it and see if you think he'd benefit from it (http://couplescommittedtolove.com/book_labor.php).
Even if you're not interested in the book, you still want to work on this relationship and get the kinks worked out before Baby arrives. Things get a lot more complicated when there's a baby in the mix and you'll find even less time and energy for one another. You want to go into parenthood with a full head of steam and feeling very positive about each other and the relationship.
