AboutLeon Scott Baxter Expertise I can answer questions about keeping love in committed relationships alive and fresh. I am
not the guy to go to if you're having marital problems or if you want to know how to meet
someone. (I've never been good at opening lines.)
I am dedicated to keeping the romance fires burning even after the embers of a new
relationship turn cold. Let me help you find ways to be excited about each other and your
relationship again.
Experience I have written two books, Out of the Doghouse , and A Labor With Love, to help keep romance alive in relationships. I give romance advice locally on radio have a regular newspaper column on relationships. I host a website, CouplesCommittedToLove.com, where I offer advice and give daily romance tips. I also have hosted the seminars, "Romance 101" and "The Valentine Prep Course".
Publications Santa Barbara Independent Magazine, MenStuff.com, SBParent.com, The Goleta Valley Voice, EducationNews.org
Education/Credentials Bachelor's Degree from the University of California, Santa Barbara, as well as a teaching credential.
Awards and Honors KLITE Community Hero and Ben & Jerry's Citizen Cool for my work with children and their focus on academic and personal improvement.
Listed in Who's Who in America. Name was placed on the National Wall of Tolerance for taking a stand against hate, injustice and intolerance.
In high school, voted "Most Likely To Host Saturday Night Live by 1999". Unfortunately, Lorne Michaels never called.
Expert: Leon Scott Baxter Date: 6/29/2008 Subject: What happens now?
Question Hi, I am a 19 year old girl and I am in a relationship with a wonderful guy the same age as me. We've been an exclusive couple for more than a year now and he is my first real love, as I am for him. I love him very much and I can tell just by looking into his eyes that he's very much in love with me. None of us are the kind of people who've ever wanted to sleep around but are instead the opposite. Almost from day one we had our sweet little dreams of one day getting married, moving into a house and decorating it together, supporting one another in everything we did and one day even raising a family together.. growing old together. I always saw myself with him, and we looked at our future, not in a rush, but as a definite something that would come one day. My boyfriend is the first person I really have fallen in love with, he's the first person I've had sex with and I absolutely adore him. Our life together is great. But lately I've been finding myself getting second thoughts about us. I've been questioning if what I fell now, is still love or just something I've gotten used to. I mean, I do love him, very very much. My question is, am I still "in" love with him, as I was in the beginning? I've been finding myself afraid, thinking about already have chosen the path I will follow for the rest of my life - is he the first and last person I will ever sleep with? Will I never get the chance to flirt with another guy at a bar? Will I never feel that thrill of a new love ever again? Are my thoughts only brought on by the end of that first infatuation-stage of our relationship, or am I really falling out of love with him? I adore him, so, so much. He's the best person I have ever met. I fear both staying with him, although he's the best I've met, because I know there might be someone even better, but I also fear leaving him because it might turn out he is the very best for me. I love him, I do. But am I still in love? Should I stay with him, or should I leave him? We're both so young, can it really be that we've met the person we're meant to be with? Am I only getting cold feet? I appreciate any answer. I really am lost, and it hurts.
I am a firm believer that if you are in love with someone, it's very hard to fall out of love with them. The two things that generally happen are either after the honeymoon stage, when the feel-good brain chemicals subside, you realize that what you were feeling wasn't love at all, but just infatuation (more on that: http://www.couplescommittedtolove.com/love_romance.php), or a couple really is in love, but doesn't realize that love changes. So, when it does they assume they no longer are in love. The couples who make it are in the second category, but understand that they have entered a new stage of love. It sounds to me that you two are very much in love, but just have moved out of the excitement phase.
Another thing you need to consider is a very valid concern; if he is "the one" then you may live the rest of your life with him wondering about other guys. It's obvious that's where you are now. What happens if I don't get to flirt with anyone else? Will he be my only over for life?
You're in a tough spot, because you may have found your life-long partner, but will it be worth settling down with him now, wondering for the rest of your life what else is out there? Or, do you take the chance on having some other experiences (which he'll probably do also) and risk losing him? My belief is that if it really is true love, you will not lose one another.
