AboutTodd Expertise I can answer most questions regarding love, relationships, intimacy issues, making love last, communication skills, developing trust, and enjoying time with your sweetie.
Experience I think you would find my answers different than most as I see a relationship as a spiritual path. I enjoy what a relationship can bring to my life and how time with my partner has changed the way I look at the world. I've been a counselor and personal coach for for over 23 years and have had the opportunity to help various people with their relationship(s).
Question QUESTION: my girlfriend and i have dated for around 5 months. i was out of town for 2 of those months, right in the middle of the relationship. were both 25
lately, she has become sarcastic and passive agressive with me. im not sure what is wrong. i give her a lot of attention, spend a lot of time together.
sometimes, when she seems down or sad, i ask her whats wrong, and she says that nothing is wrong. but when shes sarcastic with me, i just osrt of laugh it off, and pretends like it doesnt bother me.
if there was something REALLY wrong, would she come out and tell me about it? can you see a reason for her sarcasm/passive agressiveness?
ANSWER: Hello to you,
Thanks for being willing to ask this question - it let's me know you'd like to move past where you are.
From reading your response I sense you've already answered your question. It seems from what you wrote girlfriend is distant. When I hear people behave like you've described with your GF, I sense that what you're see is anger, regardless if it's indirect or not.
I appreciate that you don't want to make a big deal of the problem, however, I have a sense that it bothers you,,,,you wouldn't be writing to me otherwise.
I think you're on to something in that there's something amiss and she won't tell you. Perhaps she wants out of the relationship, perhaps she is angry about something in her personal life,,,whatever it is, you know it's something....we need to remember that sarcasm is an indirect form of anger.
I think you have a right to ask her what's going on....I'd come out and tell her that her sarcasm hurts your feelings, and that you have a very strong sense that she's bothered and something is amiss....do whatever you need to do to make it safe for her to tell you.
I wish there were more people like you in the world..you seem like a caring guy - the world needs more of that.
You are always welcome to write back and let me know how it works out.
Todd
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: there are a couple of things which i think could cause this, but i have no idea if they are issues.
1. i still havent invited her to come home to meet my family, eben though they live out of town. she has asked me before what my mom thinks of her. she also has told me how her friend, sara, was asked by her bf, to come to his home, because he wanted his family to meet sara.
could me not yet asking her to meet them, cause this anger in her?
2. she works in a bar on the weekends. i never go in. i tell her that it would make me feel uncomfortable, and that i wouldnt want her to wait on me and my friends. could the fact that i never go in, affect her feelings for me?
this is a girl who is looking to settle down, but she knows i am as well. when we first started dating, she told me she would move with me anywhere in the country with me where i got a job. i asked her a few weeks ago, if she would still do this, and she said she didnt know. she also told me, that when her lease was up in 3 months, thats he would move in with her mom. i asked her if she wanted to move in with me when her lease was up, and she only said 'maybe'
Answer Hi there,
I don't normally do follow-up questions, however, I will send you a final message.
I sense that what you are talking about is right on...imagine this...you are involved with someone and you say you want to get serious, but you don't do the little things which show the person you are committed...now, coming to her place of work might be a small gesture to you, but to her it's huge. She spends a lot of time at work,,,perhaps she wants you to know that part of her life...
I'd have to wonder why you haven't taken her to meet your family..now, I don't want to know, but this is something to think about...
If you're asking my opinion, I would encourage you to bite the bullet and go to the bar...so what if you are uncomfortable...you could go in to work, approach the bar, tell her it's nice to see her, touch her arm, then go spend time with your friends....when you leave get her attention and wink at her....so, you're uncomfortable, you'll be okay,,,promise...,,,,remember, it's the little things which make for a great relationship...mutual interests are okay,,but mutual values sustain a relationship more than any mutual interest could ever do....and these mutual values are made up of small gestures..
Rather than wondering, I would invite you to bring up all of these issues and tell her that you think these things might be a problem, and that you'd like to fix them.
It's up to you..rather than wondering, I would bite the bullet and ask her...you know what you need to do, and I would invite you to follow through.
