AboutLeon Scott Baxter Expertise I can answer questions about keeping love in committed relationships alive and fresh. I am
not the guy to go to if you're having marital problems or if you want to know how to meet
someone. (I've never been good at opening lines.)
I am dedicated to keeping the romance fires burning even after the embers of a new
relationship turn cold. Let me help you find ways to be excited about each other and your
relationship again.
Experience I have written two books, Out of the Doghouse , and A Labor With Love, to help keep romance alive in relationships. I give romance advice locally on radio have a regular newspaper column on relationships. I host a website, CouplesCommittedToLove.com, where I offer advice and give daily romance tips. I also have hosted the seminars, "Romance 101" and "The Valentine Prep Course".
Publications Santa Barbara Independent Magazine, MenStuff.com, SBParent.com, The Goleta Valley Voice, EducationNews.org
Education/Credentials Bachelor's Degree from the University of California, Santa Barbara, as well as a teaching credential.
Awards and Honors KLITE Community Hero and Ben & Jerry's Citizen Cool for my work with children and their focus on academic and personal improvement.
Listed in Who's Who in America. Name was placed on the National Wall of Tolerance for taking a stand against hate, injustice and intolerance.
In high school, voted "Most Likely To Host Saturday Night Live by 1999". Unfortunately, Lorne Michaels never called.
Expert: Leon Scott Baxter Date: 6/30/2008 Subject: is okay that we are back together????
Question okay so me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and 5 months. the relationship was very rocky. he had cheated a couple of times and so have i. it had also been a verbal and physical abuse relationship. now when i broke up in april with him we broke up for 2 weeks and i had ended up sleepin with someone else. and he ended getting back with his ex girlfriend. now because we still talked on the phone as friends i had told him that i had slept with someone and he was very mad and that is understandable but i told him you know we were not together and you had a girlfriend anyway. and he was like yea so. so we got past that and we got back together then we had broken up on again on the 13th of june because of my jealousy issues and because he kept just doing what he wanted and was trying to control me. again we remained friends but i had really felt bad for breaking up wit him and i told him that i needed to work on my jealousy and he needed to work on being open and not so controling and then he said i do not know if it can work. this break up was for 2 weeks also but before we got back together i found out that he had slept with 2 girls not just 1 and one of those girls was his ex girlfriend. now that hurt but i kinda understand that i did it too. but then again i think he slept with 2 girls and i had only slept with one boy. but so i explained to him okay now we really have to be open with each other and be able to tell eachother everything. and said okay to that now after all that has happened these past couple of months i feel like i can not be with out him and he feels like he can not be without me. that is why we are still together after everything that had happened. now for the abuse that has stopped so that is a good sign. but how can we communicate better if he is so stubborn. and is it okay for me to ask questions about the realtionship or am i analyzing the realtionship to much. and how can we trust eachother again. help please. also i am pregnant so yea that is something else that put us together and he is really happy about that.
Answer Hello Gaby,
Yikes! There's so much going on here. I'm kind of torn with how to advise you. See, you two seem to be in a cyclical dysfunctional relationship. You know it's not healthy, but you are so used to it and to each other that you keep returning to one another.
There's abuse, cheating and sleeping around. You take a break for two weeks. Things seem better for awhile, but you fall right back into the old patterns. You say you love one another, but how can this be love if you both so easily find someone else? How can it be love if you lie and cheat? How can it be love if there's verbal and physical abuse? It sounds to me that this is the best that both of you know, so it IS love to you, because you don't know any better.
My biggest concern is that there is a child on the way, now. SO, at this point, you two are tied together for life through this new life, no matter how your relationship ends. So, I take it you two will give this thing a try as a family. But, here's the catch: you MUST work out these issues, and work them out fast, before Baby arrives. Because, no child deserves to be brought into a family where Mom and Dad are together, then apart, then together, then apart.
A child should not have to live in a home where one parent abuses the other. So, Gaby, this is no longer just about you and your boyfriend. You two are old enough to make decisions that affect your life, but your baby is not. You will make the decisions for him/ So, if you decide to stay together, you two should seek counseling, make some promises to one another, and really make some intense changes in your lifestyles.
Is it okay for you to talk to him about the relationship? You better believe it is! It's almost mandatory at this point. And, if he doesn't want to talk or won't make adequate changes, you need to walk away until you see him really change. This is not just for you, but for your baby, too.
If he agrees to make changes, consider my book for expecting dads (http://www.couplescommittedtolove.com/book_labor.php). Hopefully it will reconnect the two of you and allow him to be a part of the pregnancy and prepare your relationship for the next step: parenthood.
