AboutKathleen Nickerson, PhD Expertise Do you feel like your partner is pulling away or pushing you away? Feel invisible, unappreciated, unloved, and neglected? It doesn't have to be this way and I'd love to help you. As an expert in working with couples who want to strengthen and repair their relationships, I've worked with many people who feel just the way you do. I understand how painful and hurtful these situations can be; it would be my honor to assist you. I am a licensed clinical psychologist with special training in couples counseling.
Experience I am a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in helping couples strengthen and repair their relationships. I love what I do because I love love - I am eternally optimistic about relationships and believe that any marriage can be made better.
Organizations American Psychological Association
Orange County Psychological Association
University of California IRB
Orange County Mental Health Board
Founder, Mental Health Advisory Board, OH, Inc.
Publications I love to share my knowledge with others and in recent years, I have had the privilege of speaking at more than 150 local and national conferences and training programs. I have also been a featured guest on numerous local radio and television programs. In addition to speaking, I enjoy writing and have written over 75 professional publications. My first book, Speaking Up: How to Get Help for Children Living in Abusive Homes, is used as a textbook for teachers and provides a comprehensive overview of child abuse reporting. I collaborated with colleagues to write Save the Date, a curriculum for the United States Department of Justice for teens on developing healthy dating relationships. I am currently at work on two new books to be released later this year: It's All In Your Head: Secrets To Staying Happy and Healthy & Divorcing Your Inner Fat Girl: The Smart Woman's Guide To Emotional Health After Weight Loss.
Education/Credentials PhD - Clinical Psychology, Capella University
MA - Developmental Psychology, Capella University
B - Chemistry, University of California, Irvine
Awards and Honors Please see my website for a complete bio: www.drkathynickerson.com
Question my girlfriend and i have dated for around 5 months. i was out of town for 2 of those months, right in the middle of the relationship. were both 25
lately, she has become sarcastic and passive agressive with me. im not sure what is wrong. i give her a lot of attention, spend a lot of time together.
sometimes, when she seems down or sad, i ask her whats wrong, and she says that nothing is wrong. but when shes sarcastic with me, i just osrt of laugh it off, and pretends like it doesnt bother me.
if there was something REALLY wrong, would she come out and tell me about it? can you see a reason for her sarcasm/passive agressiveness?
thanks
Answer Hi Hal. Thanks for your note.
I would hope that if something was really wrong, she would tell you and you might ask about this. It sounds like she's just become sarcastic and passive-aggressive lately - did anything change with her or with the two of you around the time her behavior changed? Did the sarcasm start after your return from the trip?
My hunch is that she's being passive-aggressive because there is something that she wants, she just doesn't know how to tell you. In all relationships, we have a powerful influence over each other and she might have felt really hurt and abandoned when you were gone for those two months.
So my advice would be to say something along these lines: "Honey, I am worried that something might be wrong and that you're having a hard time telling me. I've noticed you've become a little more sarcastic and I wonder if it's because I've done something that hurt you?" Then you can explore some of the following:
1. How did she feel when you were away?
2. How did you feel when you were away from her for so long?
3. What is it like for you (how do you feel, what do you think) when she's being sarcastic?
4. When she's sarcastic, what is your reaction?
Another hunch is that you guys have a communication cycle that goes something like this: she feels hurt and doesn't know how to talk about it, so she says something sarcastic, hoping to defend herself and push you away. Then you feel hurt, you back away from her, and she feels even more anxious, so she does even more to try and push you away....does this sound right to you? If so, it might be worth talking to her about this cycle and talking about steps you can both take to break the cycle. When in doubt, a hug and some loving words do wonders.
