AboutKathleen Nickerson, PhD Expertise Do you feel like your partner is pulling away or pushing you away? Feel invisible, unappreciated, unloved, and neglected? It doesn't have to be this way and I'd love to help you. As an expert in working with couples who want to strengthen and repair their relationships, I've worked with many people who feel just the way you do. I understand how painful and hurtful these situations can be; it would be my honor to assist you. I am a licensed clinical psychologist with special training in couples counseling.
Experience I am a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in helping couples strengthen and repair their relationships. I love what I do because I love love - I am eternally optimistic about relationships and believe that any marriage can be made better.
Organizations American Psychological Association
Orange County Psychological Association
University of California IRB
Orange County Mental Health Board
Founder, Mental Health Advisory Board, OH, Inc.
Publications I love to share my knowledge with others and in recent years, I have had the privilege of speaking at more than 150 local and national conferences and training programs. I have also been a featured guest on numerous local radio and television programs. In addition to speaking, I enjoy writing and have written over 75 professional publications. My first book, Speaking Up: How to Get Help for Children Living in Abusive Homes, is used as a textbook for teachers and provides a comprehensive overview of child abuse reporting. I collaborated with colleagues to write Save the Date, a curriculum for the United States Department of Justice for teens on developing healthy dating relationships. I am currently at work on two new books to be released later this year: It's All In Your Head: Secrets To Staying Happy and Healthy & Divorcing Your Inner Fat Girl: The Smart Woman's Guide To Emotional Health After Weight Loss.
Education/Credentials PhD - Clinical Psychology, Capella University
MA - Developmental Psychology, Capella University
B - Chemistry, University of California, Irvine
Awards and Honors Please see my website for a complete bio: www.drkathynickerson.com
Question Ok so me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost a year and a half. I am still in school and he is working everyday. Last year me and him started getting intimate and he was my first. I am not sure if this is important but I was not his first. When my mom found out that we were messing around she flipped out and said we were not aloud to see eachother for a while but it only lasted about 2 weeks. I have never been cheated on in my life and I have only had one sexually abusive relationship but it was nothing to big. Before my mom found out me and my boyfriend were perfectly fine and we never really fought. But now I am always trying to start a fight subcontiously and I really do love him, I have thought about ending the relationship but I can't bare the thought. We have had way to many good times together, but it bothers me that I am always trying to start something. He always tells me that he loves me and everything but i can't help feeling this way.. help? I don't know what to do anymore. This has been going on for months now maybe even close to a year..
Answer Hi Sweetheart. Thank you so much for your note. I don't think there is anything wrong with you. It sounds like this is a complicated situation and I am happy to try to help.
You wrote that, "Before my mom found out me and my boyfriend were perfectly fine and we never really fought. But now I am always trying to start a fight subcontiously and I really do love him, I have thought about ending the relationship but I can't bare the thought." So a couple of things jumped out at me here....
Before your mom found out, you never used to fight; so at what point in your relationship did you find out? Were you dating for two months, two weeks?
You also said that you are always trying to start a fight. Sometimes we pick fights with people because we want attention. We figure, "hey, if I can get you mad enough at me to fight with me, then that must mean you really DO care about me." Other times, we pick fights with people because we're angry at someone else that we can't fight with. So it could be that you're mad at your mom for coming between the two of you, but you can't fight with her, so you fight with him instead. Do either of these sound right to you?
It sounds like you really do love your boyfriend and that you'd like to have things work out. As such, I'd recommend that you try to talk to your mom about how important this relationship is to you and that you try to talk with your boyfriend about how you're feeling when you feel like you want to fight.
Also, I want to make sure that you're safe. I don't know how old you are and how old he is, but if there's more than 4-5 years age difference between you two, I would be a bit concerned. You also said that you've been in a sexually abusive relationship before - are you safe in this relationship? Does he hurt you?
Ok, hope this helps and that I've given you some things to think about. Please let me know how it does.
