AboutLeon Scott Baxter Expertise I can answer questions about keeping love in committed relationships alive and fresh. I am
not the guy to go to if you're having marital problems or if you want to know how to meet
someone. (I've never been good at opening lines.)
I am dedicated to keeping the romance fires burning even after the embers of a new
relationship turn cold. Let me help you find ways to be excited about each other and your
relationship again.
Experience I have written two books, Out of the Doghouse , and A Labor With Love, to help keep romance alive in relationships. I give romance advice locally on radio have a regular newspaper column on relationships. I host a website, CouplesCommittedToLove.com, where I offer advice and give daily romance tips. I also have hosted the seminars, "Romance 101" and "The Valentine Prep Course".
Publications Santa Barbara Independent Magazine, MenStuff.com, SBParent.com, The Goleta Valley Voice, EducationNews.org
Education/Credentials Bachelor's Degree from the University of California, Santa Barbara, as well as a teaching credential.
Awards and Honors KLITE Community Hero and Ben & Jerry's Citizen Cool for my work with children and their focus on academic and personal improvement.
Listed in Who's Who in America. Name was placed on the National Wall of Tolerance for taking a stand against hate, injustice and intolerance.
In high school, voted "Most Likely To Host Saturday Night Live by 1999". Unfortunately, Lorne Michaels never called.
Expert: Leon Scott Baxter Date: 8/6/2008 Subject: Confusion, once again.
Question Hey Leon,
It's Ryan, you told me to let you know how the talk went, etc.
Kay and I talked, everything went good. She said that hanging out 4 days in a row really messed with her head. She started to have the feelings come back, something she doesn't want right now, and that's why she acted a little bitchy back. We agreed to talk still, and see each other maybe once a week.
That weekend, I had a Porsche Club event in Albany, and was coming back Saturday night. She called me while I was driving home, to tell me about some funny story that happened the previous night at a party. I asked what she was up to that night, and she said there was a party, but she wasn't sure if she'd go or not. Innocently, I said, "well, if you decide not to go, and are bored, let me know, maybe we can grab food, or ice cream." Seemed innocent enough. Later that night she said she'd be going to the party, but would go out after my autcross the next day. The next day, she called me and said she'd been out until 5 that morning, had to wake up at 8 for church, and had been at her grandmother's house all day, so she really just wanted to crash. I didn't care, I understood. She rescheduled to the next night, after I got out of work.
Now, during my autocross, she texted me asking if I knew a certain kid. The kid just so happened to have gone to high school with me, and she just discovered that she worked with him. I've been good friends with him for 10 years, and told her he's a cool person. That night, after Kay rescheduled, I ended up seeing the kid. We were talking about when we were going back to school, partying that weekend, etc. I said "Oh, I heard you work with Katie, my ex." He said "Yep, she seems pretty cool." That's all that was said about it.
The next day, she texts me jokingly saying "You told him what I wanted to say to him haha." (She's a very shy person, and can't really think of things to say to people on the spot like that).
So, I ask if she's still up for going to get ice cream that night, and she got kind of weird saying "I don't know, I'll call you." She called while I was at work, and I sensed attitude right away. She told me that she thought about getting ice cream, and that we don't need to be doing that, as we'd just seen each other a few days before. Then, she put up a wall and started getting defensive. I asked why she was doing it, and she responded that she thought I was going to do the same thing (something I did in our relationship). She ended up staying in a pissy mood, and said I was making her mad, and she didn't want to talk.
So, last night, I'm at work, and I get a text from her saying "So if Gregg (the kid I know whom she works with) invited me to some party, would you get pissed about that, too?" I simply said "Not at all."
Later that night I IM her and ask why she'd ask it. She said that she thought I was mad about her working with my friend, something I don't care at all about! She ended up getting more and more mad, saying she doesn't care what I have to say, to leave her alone, and that our friendship isn't working out. She then blocked me on AIM, etc. WHAT DID I DO THAT WAS SO WRONG?
Answer Hello again, Ryan,
From what you are telling me... NOTHING. If that's the whole story, hen she's got some issues right now, and she's trying to work through them. You know that she doesn't hate you and that she truly doesn't want to end your friendship.
But, for some reason, being with you is confusing her now. She's being drawn back into the feelings she's had in the past, and she doesn't want that right now. Funny thing is, you can't choose how your heart feels. As a result, she's taking her frustrations out on you.
Best to keep a low profile for a bit. She'll come around. But, when she does, you may want to discuss the elephant in the room. Get the feelings out in the open. Find out where you really stand, and tell her you can't keep doing this. You two need to define your relationship and go with it, until it changes on its own (if it ever does).
