AboutKathleen Nickerson, PhD Expertise Do you feel like your partner is pulling away or pushing you away? Feel invisible, unappreciated, unloved, and neglected? It doesn't have to be this way and I'd love to help you. As an expert in working with couples who want to strengthen and repair their relationships, I've worked with many people who feel just the way you do. I understand how painful and hurtful these situations can be; it would be my honor to assist you. I am a licensed clinical psychologist with special training in couples counseling.
Experience I am a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in helping couples strengthen and repair their relationships. I love what I do because I love love - I am eternally optimistic about relationships and believe that any marriage can be made better.
Organizations American Psychological Association
Orange County Psychological Association
University of California IRB
Orange County Mental Health Board
Founder, Mental Health Advisory Board, OH, Inc.
Publications I love to share my knowledge with others and in recent years, I have had the privilege of speaking at more than 150 local and national conferences and training programs. I have also been a featured guest on numerous local radio and television programs. In addition to speaking, I enjoy writing and have written over 75 professional publications. My first book, Speaking Up: How to Get Help for Children Living in Abusive Homes, is used as a textbook for teachers and provides a comprehensive overview of child abuse reporting. I collaborated with colleagues to write Save the Date, a curriculum for the United States Department of Justice for teens on developing healthy dating relationships. I am currently at work on two new books to be released later this year: It's All In Your Head: Secrets To Staying Happy and Healthy & Divorcing Your Inner Fat Girl: The Smart Woman's Guide To Emotional Health After Weight Loss.
Education/Credentials PhD - Clinical Psychology, Capella University
MA - Developmental Psychology, Capella University
B - Chemistry, University of California, Irvine
Awards and Honors Please see my website for a complete bio: www.drkathynickerson.com
Question okay...ill go straight to the point. here it is!
am in a relationship with a guy for like five months now. latly he keeps talking about his ex. saying that the one thing he regrets more in his life is that for being such a jerk that made him lose this girl he had back then. so this gives me the impression that he is still not over his ex and probably exist the possibility that any time his ex can take him away from me. or she cAN make a move that will drive him away from me. i love him very much!! more than much! i cant afford losing him! i dont want him to go. during this 5 months weve been together everyhting went well and still is... but just that he was talking about his ex and i saw this regret in his eyes, like if he could turn back time he would have! just to repair his mistakes .i think somehow the girl got fed up of him (cuz he was way too obssess with her)
so wat am i suppose to do?? should i keep quiet about this fear?? deep inside i have this fear that one day he'll return back to her! should i talk to him about it? is it okay to question him about whether he'll return back to her "his ex" if she asks him back.
and if i do, i know he'll see me as insecure and jealous. and according to research "insecurity and jealousy" is just a turn-off in relationships. he might see me differently. because i always demonstrate the independent act infront of him and while we're away too.he doesnt know what am goin through right now "this depression" he thinks am okay.
so what should i do about this fear?
Answer Hi Shelby. Thanks so much for your question. The feelings you have, this fear that you have, are VERY normal. Very few women would be comfortable with their boyfriends talking about how much they miss their ex-girlfriends.
I do think you should talk to him about how it makes you feel when he talks about getting back together with his ex. My hunch is that you feel very worried and nervous, not jealous, and this is normal. One of the things we need to be happy in a relationship is to know that our partner is there for us, through thick and thin, and that we can really count on that person. When he talks about missing his ex, I would bet it makes you feel like he could leave at a moment's notice or anytime. It would be impossible to feel good and happy in a relationship where you were constantly in fear about the other person leaving.
I'd like to think of yourself like a precious, amazing gift that he is LUCKY to have. If you start to think of yourself that way and act that way, so will he. Now don't go overboard and ask him to start kissing your toes, but do let him know that you deserve to be loved and treated with respect.
I'd also like you to think of a way you could talk to him about this situation. Perhaps you could say, "John, when you start talking about Sheila and you say ________________________, it makes me feel ______________________________. I want to feel safe, secure, and loved in our relationship, so I'd like to ask you to please stop talking about Sheila."
I hope this helps, please let me know how things go.
