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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > How to Strengthen Your Relationship > The girl that wont decide to date me
Expert: Sharon Crandall
Date: 8/28/2008
Subject: The girl that wont decide to date me
Question
Sharon,
I have a problem. I am 25 years old and last spring I met a girl who is 21 and a senior at UVA (currently). I live in Pittsburgh, and that is where her family is from. To make a long story short, we saw eachother a number of times prior to her studying abroad for the summer...when she came back, it was like she never left. We both have self admitted the unbelievable amount of chemistry between us that was apparent at first sight. She wont take the chance and just date me. She compartmentalizes her feelings for self protection. She feels that her being at UVA makes it not fesible...but connections like this do not come along all that much...it is very frustrating. Let me know what you think
Answer
Dear Jason,
This girl is clearly not ready to settle down to one guy and she really shouldn't at her age. People get into exclusive relationships way too soon. She is only 21 and if she gets tied up too soon she is going to feel like her life is passing her by.
Since you are 25 you are ready for a more serious dating situation. I suggest you continue to do things with her but do not get into the jealousy, checking on her, possessiveness that might be tempting and just date as good friends. Have a good time with her without getting serious. Believe me, chemistry is not enough, as appealing to you as it is right now. It takes time and sharing all sorts of situations with another person before you can get to know them. People should date for months before they date exclusively. It is such a big mistake to do otherwise.
If you are not willing to date her while giving her plenty of space, then I see no hope for you. It really is best for both of you, too. Let her have some time to be young and then see what develops.
Hope you find the happiness you seek.
Sharon Crandall
LIfe is 4 living Coach/Consultant
www.personalityconsultant.com
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