AboutKathleen Nickerson, PhD Expertise Do you feel like your partner is pulling away or pushing you away? Feel invisible, unappreciated, unloved, and neglected? It doesn't have to be this way and I'd love to help you. As an expert in working with couples who want to strengthen and repair their relationships, I've worked with many people who feel just the way you do. I understand how painful and hurtful these situations can be; it would be my honor to assist you. I am a licensed clinical psychologist with special training in couples counseling.
Experience I am a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in helping couples strengthen and repair their relationships. I love what I do because I love love - I am eternally optimistic about relationships and believe that any marriage can be made better.
Organizations American Psychological Association
Orange County Psychological Association
University of California IRB
Orange County Mental Health Board
Founder, Mental Health Advisory Board, OH, Inc.
Publications I love to share my knowledge with others and in recent years, I have had the privilege of speaking at more than 150 local and national conferences and training programs. I have also been a featured guest on numerous local radio and television programs. In addition to speaking, I enjoy writing and have written over 75 professional publications. My first book, Speaking Up: How to Get Help for Children Living in Abusive Homes, is used as a textbook for teachers and provides a comprehensive overview of child abuse reporting. I collaborated with colleagues to write Save the Date, a curriculum for the United States Department of Justice for teens on developing healthy dating relationships. I am currently at work on two new books to be released later this year: It's All In Your Head: Secrets To Staying Happy and Healthy & Divorcing Your Inner Fat Girl: The Smart Woman's Guide To Emotional Health After Weight Loss.
Education/Credentials PhD - Clinical Psychology, Capella University
MA - Developmental Psychology, Capella University
B - Chemistry, University of California, Irvine
Awards and Honors Please see my website for a complete bio: www.drkathynickerson.com
Question my girlfriend and i have been together for 5 years now. for the past three we have had a long distance relationship. me being in Michigan her being in Chicago. we see each other about once every two months or so. we talk everyday on the phone. just recently she brought up the idea of taking a break. she feels that these are the times of our lives that we need to make sure that she is the one for me and me for her. i strongly disagree. i have already made up my mind and decided that i want to spend the rest of my life with this woman no matter what it takes. she asked me what i felt about this idea and i was speechless. i don't know what to think? i know she still loves me with all of her heart and i don't think it was something i did to force this, but i don't know what to do? i just know that i don't want anyone else. i don't know if i should just say o.k because all i truly want is for her to be happy? and hope that she comes back? i just don't know? if you need any clarification just let me know
Answer Hi Bryan. Thank you very much for your question. I am sorry the pain you're in now, it sounds like this is all very confusing.
It sounds like you are very certain about the relationship and that you remain very committed to the relationship. It also sounds like she's having some doubts and that these doubts may have nothing to do with anything you have done.
You wrote that she "feels that these are the times of our lives that we need to make sure that she is the one for me and me for her." This is an interesting statement: I wonder what she means when she says "times of our lives". Does she mean that this is the time you should be partying? experimenting? meeting other people? Then she goes on to say that you need to make sure she's the right one for you. In my mind, it sounds like you already know that she is the right one for you, so taking a break won't tell you anything new.
I am not a big fan of "breaks" in relationships because they often lead to hurt feelings and we have a very deep and profound need to know we're connected to our partner. Breaks usually break the relationship.
I am worried that she's saying she wants a break because she thinks this a kinder and gentler way to break off the relationship. I hope I am wrong Bryan, because it's clear how much you care for her, but think you deserve and honest answer from her.
If you feel like she's sending you mixed messages, you might try saying, "I hear that you want a break and I would like you to help me understand why? How will taking a break strengthen our relationship? What will taking a break show us? Do you think any harm will come from taking a break?"
After listening to her thoughts, tell her how you feel about the break idea. If it hurts you and makes you uncomfortable, I think it's ok to say so. You deserve honesty from her and she should hear how this honestly feels to you.
I wish you all the best Bryan. Please let me know how your conversation goes.
