AboutLeon Scott Baxter Expertise I can answer questions about keeping love in committed relationships alive and fresh. I am
not the guy to go to if you're having marital problems or if you want to know how to meet
someone. (I've never been good at opening lines.)
I am dedicated to keeping the romance fires burning even after the embers of a new
relationship turn cold. Let me help you find ways to be excited about each other and your
relationship again.
Experience I have written two books, Out of the Doghouse , and A Labor With Love, to help keep romance alive in relationships. I give romance advice locally on radio have a regular newspaper column on relationships. I host a website, CouplesCommittedToLove.com, where I offer advice and give daily romance tips. I also have hosted the seminars, "Romance 101" and "The Valentine Prep Course".
Publications Santa Barbara Independent Magazine, MenStuff.com, SBParent.com, The Goleta Valley Voice, EducationNews.org
Education/Credentials Bachelor's Degree from the University of California, Santa Barbara, as well as a teaching credential.
Awards and Honors KLITE Community Hero and Ben & Jerry's Citizen Cool for my work with children and their focus on academic and personal improvement.
Listed in Who's Who in America. Name was placed on the National Wall of Tolerance for taking a stand against hate, injustice and intolerance.
In high school, voted "Most Likely To Host Saturday Night Live by 1999". Unfortunately, Lorne Michaels never called.
I've dated this guy for the past six years (i'm 22 he's 24) he has been my only relationship. Basically everything is good he treats me well, we have common interests, we hang out and have fun often, and have lived together for the past 5 years. Everything sounds great right? So why am I writing and asking?
Because our first year together he "cheated" on me, not physically but on the internet live webcam feed. So I found out/ freaked out and we had some space. Later we spoke and decided to see if it could work. Everything goes well we move to a new city into an apartment and then about half a year into that I find that he has been meeting up online with someone again. This time however I find out it was a man. Again I freak out and this time I leave after he tells me he thinks he bisexual, because i figured he needed to figure things out. After 3 or 4 months apart I went back, with a lingering feeling in the back of my head of doomed relationship. But love is loving for who they are, correct? Again everything is fine and dandy until this past summer. I found gay porn and strictly gay porn and had a discussion and again it ended, but again we talked and are somehow back together. Everything is good and I still love him, however I can't help but just feel damaged and doomed. I ask myself so many questions daily. Should we take time to discover who we are on our own? Should we see other people? etc.
I've been personally feeling, lately, that I need to just get away perhaps move into my own space and maybe see other men. He has been my own boyfriend but I just don't know what to do. Lately the issues of trust have been boiling to the surface of my mind. Do I want to be with someone who has hurt me so much so many times? Why have I stayed with someone if they have hurt me so many times?
Anyways,
any advice?
(you and this internet world are the only people i've told...feels good)
Answer Hello Mellisa,
To say the least, your boyfriend is homo-curious. He may be gay, but unwilling to accept it, or maybe still doesn't know yet. Or, could just be that he is aroused with some aspects of homosexuality, lying somewhere on the bisexuality spectrum.
He's been with you since he was 18 and at the time, he may have not really known who he was sexually. Now, he's sneaking things that he is either ashamed of, or that he thinks will hurt you. I think you need to give him time and space to discover who he is, and what he wants sexually and in a relationship.
I'm sure he loves you, but if he's attracted to men, no matter how hard he tries to hide it, that will be an obstacle in your relationship. Let him figure out what it is abut homosexuality that interests him and how deeply involved in it he wants to go.
Then, after a few months, don't get back with him. Instead, talk to him and ask him what he's found out about himself. Ask what he wants and how he feels about men. Then, based on what he says, what he needs and what you are comfortable with, the two of you need to decide if this relationship will work or not.
And, to answer your last question, you are with someone who has hurt you because you love him, and because you know deep down that he wasn't trying to hurt you at all. He is hurting and hiding and he wants to be with you, while wanting to be who he is. He's being pulled in two directions and he's not a bad guy, but what he's doing is hurting you.
