More How to Strengthen Your Relationship Answers
Question Library
Ask a question about How to Strengthen Your Relationship
Volunteer
Experts of the Month
Expert Login
Awards
About Us
Tell friends
Link to Us
Disclaimer
|
| |
|
|
| |
| | | |
About Leon Scott Baxter
Expertise
I can answer questions about keeping love in committed relationships alive and fresh. I am
not the guy to go to if you're having marital problems or if you want to know how to meet
someone. (I've never been good at opening lines.)
I am dedicated to keeping the romance fires burning even after the embers of a new
relationship turn cold. Let me help you find ways to be excited about each other and your
relationship again.
Experience
I have written two books, Out of the Doghouse , and A Labor With Love, to help keep romance alive in relationships. I give romance advice locally on radio have a regular newspaper column on relationships. I host a website, CouplesCommittedToLove.com, where I offer advice and give daily romance tips. I also have hosted the seminars, "Romance 101" and "The Valentine Prep Course".
Publications
Santa Barbara Independent Magazine, MenStuff.com, SBParent.com, The Goleta Valley Voice, EducationNews.org
Education/Credentials
Bachelor's Degree from the University of California, Santa Barbara, as well as a teaching credential.
Awards and Honors
KLITE Community Hero and Ben & Jerry's Citizen Cool for my work with children and their focus on academic and personal improvement.
Listed in Who's Who in America. Name was placed on the National Wall of Tolerance for taking a stand against hate, injustice and intolerance.
In high school, voted "Most Likely To Host Saturday Night Live by 1999". Unfortunately, Lorne Michaels never called.
| | |
| |
You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > How to Strengthen Your Relationship > confused
Expert: Leon Scott Baxter - 10/25/2009
Question
QUESTION: hi. my name is Farah. my boyfriend and I been going on and off lately. also, 3 weeks ago, i caught him trying to cheat. and I confronted him, but he denied it. but i am 100% sure that it was him. we had a talk just last night, after almost 3 weeks of no contacting, and he told me that we should start over. from 0. but i am not sure if this is going to work because we've been together for 2 years, and by starting over i think that we are going backwards instead of moving forward. we love each other so much, at least i know i love him to death. we already talked about getting married soon and talked about kids. but as of lately, before i caught him, he was acting like he wants to be single seeing his friends being single. and he was taking me for granted. barely spent time with him because he is always with his friends playing basketball or doing something else. he didnt make time for me. i am a fulltime student with a job, AND still make time for him. he doesnt even go to school. he just work. but he took me for granted. so, with all of that and trust issues, he want us to start over. and i dont know what to do. im so confused. and HURT. i can say that he is my first true love. i am not a teenager. so i know myself when i love. and i love him so much. help please. what do you think about this?
ANSWER: Hello Farah,
I think that he's not ready for the serious stuff you two have talked about. He still longs for his freedom, but also wants to be with you. I believe he loves you, but is not ready to fully commit.
I wonder what you mean when you say he "tried to cheat". I'm not sure what that means. Did he admit to it? And, if he is leaning in that direction, but has come back asking for forgiveness, and wanting to start fresh, he probably has all the right intentions, but he's just not emotionally ready for the level of commitment you want.
I think instead of starting back at zero, you take a serious break from the relationship. Admittedly, this is your first true love. Taking time to evaluate what that means to you, wouldn't hurt. And, giving him a taste of life without you will bring out his true colors. He may see it as "free at last" and you'll know this is not his time. Then again, it may help him to mature and realize that you are the thing he wants most in life, and may be willing to work to keep you.
But, to do a break right, there are guidelines many couples don't follow. As a result, the break doesn't have the affect it's supposed to have. Take a look at this link to get the scoop (http://www.couplescommittedtolove.com/report_11_break.php).
Leon Scott Baxter
"America's Romance Guru"
http://www.couplescommittedtolove.com
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: hi again. when i said he tried to cheat, i caught him talking to this girl over the internet and tried to go out and pick her up at 1:00 in the morning. but i caught him and confronted him before anything happened. and he never admitted that it was him. he keeps saying that it was his friend will using my boyfriend's myspace account. i saw the conversations and i am 100% sure that it was my boyfriend. but again, he never admitted.
Answer
Hello again, Farrah,
If you can be sure that it was him, without a doubt, then not only has he been deceptive and possibly tried to cheat, but he also has lied about it. Three strikes and you are out not only applies in baseball, but it also applies in my book when it comes to relationships.
If you want to break it off, I wouldn't blame you. But, if you still want to try the break and see where it goes, go for it. But, I wouldn't offer anything less than a break, with the slim possibility of reconciliation if he can a) prove himself, b) the break is a significant amount of time, and c) I felt 100% that he would make a 180 degree change.
Leon Scott Baxter
"America's Romance Guru"
http://www.couplescommittedtolove.com
Add to this Answer Ask a Question
|
|
