AboutLeon Scott Baxter Expertise I can answer questions about keeping love in committed relationships alive and fresh. I am
not the guy to go to if you're having marital problems or if you want to know how to meet
someone. (I've never been good at opening lines.)
I am dedicated to keeping the romance fires burning even after the embers of a new
relationship turn cold. Let me help you find ways to be excited about each other and your
relationship again.
Experience I have written two books, Out of the Doghouse , and A Labor With Love, to help keep romance alive in relationships. I give romance advice locally on radio have a regular newspaper column on relationships. I host a website, CouplesCommittedToLove.com, where I offer advice and give daily romance tips. I also have hosted the seminars, "Romance 101" and "The Valentine Prep Course".
Publications Santa Barbara Independent Magazine, MenStuff.com, SBParent.com, The Goleta Valley Voice, EducationNews.org
Education/Credentials Bachelor's Degree from the University of California, Santa Barbara, as well as a teaching credential.
Awards and Honors KLITE Community Hero and Ben & Jerry's Citizen Cool for my work with children and their focus on academic and personal improvement.
Listed in Who's Who in America. Name was placed on the National Wall of Tolerance for taking a stand against hate, injustice and intolerance.
In high school, voted "Most Likely To Host Saturday Night Live by 1999". Unfortunately, Lorne Michaels never called.
Question Hi, i was looking for a place where i could share my problems and get expert advice and found this great place. Hope u could help me in my problem. We haven't even held hands or hugged. Here goes.
I am 18 this year and i have started dating this girl for 1month whom i had a crush on for quite a long time. We are in the same school and in the same course of study in a polytechnic and had juz started school this few days but problems arise so early. We started when i confessed to her on via text message on handphones and she agreed to give the relationship a try. But on the second day after we went home from a school event, she texted me the next day asking if we could just be very close friends instead. i didnt want to give her any pressure so i agreed and weeks into the holidays, we start getting closer and closer and i knew we were not just close friends now. However, whenever i asked her out for a date, she would reject unless there were friends coming along. We had quite a few outings but every outing there would be my best friend tagging along, which makes me unable to initiate. She told me that she doesn't like holding hands, mushy stuff. She often asked me to be more initiative but i just couldn't find the chance to do so. We were quite honest to each other and she often tells me her problems at home and i find myself a good listener.
School started and more problems arise. In school, i often followed her around tagged along with our friends(we shared the same friends)and everyone knew our relationship together even her parents and mine so there is was like nothing to hide. I tried to be there beside her helping her out in where ever i could but she often ignores me and sometimes i felt i was treated worse than my friends. I made lunch boxes for lunch everyday for her and myself and i found it sweet. When we were not together we often message each other after school and i felt she still cares for me. But she changes so much in school. She chats with me in school but i felt it wasn't as much compared to friends. Whenever she needs help in her schoolwork or help in admin stuff, i will try to make myself available but she would choose one of her friends to help her instead.
I am really not sure if she really likes me a not. I really liked her and wanted to be by her side and watch over her. Could u help me in what step i should take to strengthen our relationship together and help our relationship get another step forward. Really need your advice thx.
Answer Hello Kelvin
I'm not so sure you relationship is ready for "the next step". i think it first needs to be established, and I'm not so sure it is yet. You've only dated for a month and she's told you she just wants to be friends during that time. She won't hold your hand, won't go out with you one-on-one, and accepts help from others before you.
Now, it could just be that she's very shy and maybe conservative, and takes time to open up. But, I'd bet that she may be second-guessing taking this relationship very seriously. Here's why. Most relationships start off very strong. There's passion and excitement, all due to changes that take place chemically in the brain and hormonally in the body. That doesn't usually subside until 6 to 18 months later.
She doesn't appear to have ever even started in this beginning stage. I think maybe she might have been curious to test the waters with you, and maybe there was now chemistry for her. It sounds like she could be trying to give you hints that she doesn't want to take this much farther.
Could I be wrong? Absolutely. My opinion, though, is based on the information you have furnished me. What I recommend you do is stop chasing her, making her lunches, offering to fix her admin problems, tagging along wherever she goes. Don't be mean. Don't avoid her, but don't offer yourself so readily. With you around less, she'll either breathe a sigh of relief (and you'll know she isn't interested in a long-term relationship), or she'll chase you, "Where have you been, Kelvin? I've been missing you." (which will tell you she is interested, and give her the chance to appreciate you).
