AboutLeon Scott Baxter Expertise I can answer questions about keeping love in committed relationships alive and fresh. I am
not the guy to go to if you're having marital problems or if you want to know how to meet
someone. (I've never been good at opening lines.)
I am dedicated to keeping the romance fires burning even after the embers of a new
relationship turn cold. Let me help you find ways to be excited about each other and your
relationship again.
Experience I have written two books, Out of the Doghouse , and A Labor With Love, to help keep romance alive in relationships. I give romance advice locally on radio have a regular newspaper column on relationships. I host a website, CouplesCommittedToLove.com, where I offer advice and give daily romance tips. I also have hosted the seminars, "Romance 101" and "The Valentine Prep Course".
Publications Santa Barbara Independent Magazine, MenStuff.com, SBParent.com, The Goleta Valley Voice, EducationNews.org
Education/Credentials Bachelor's Degree from the University of California, Santa Barbara, as well as a teaching credential.
Awards and Honors KLITE Community Hero and Ben & Jerry's Citizen Cool for my work with children and their focus on academic and personal improvement.
Listed in Who's Who in America. Name was placed on the National Wall of Tolerance for taking a stand against hate, injustice and intolerance.
In high school, voted "Most Likely To Host Saturday Night Live by 1999". Unfortunately, Lorne Michaels never called.
It's Ryan again. If you can remember back that far, Kay and I began dating last October again after not speaking for a few months, and then she broke up with me after we went on a few days of no talking after I texted her.
I still haven't talked to her. I've seen her once or twice. Once during tailgating for a concert. She was 4 cars down from my friends and I, and they kept saying she looked over every 10 minutes. She was trying to hide it, but I could see it as well.
I texted her on her birthday, no response back. I think I may have texted her once while I was drunk over summer as well, but again, nothing. Even when we weren't talking, she'd wish me a happy birthday. That didn't happen this year. She's single, no boyfriend. She always told me that when she was single, and met guys, none compared to me. Maybe it's still the same way. She still has me blocked on AIM and Facebook. I haven't even tried to check, which is odd for me. Her best friends still have me as friends on Facebook, which is odd if I really was this "bad person." It makes me think that she still looks from time to time, or just has their passwords. I'd also gotten small comments on things of mine on Facebook, from one of her friends. Her friend wouldn't do that, so it leaves me to think of her.
I don't think about her constantly, but, it's still every day. It's odd. We were inseparable, and now we have to act like we don't know each other. All the times we've broken up, she's told me she has to stop listening to our favorite bands, songs, going to "our" restaurants, spots, etc. For me, it's the complete opposite. Am I just different? I've been with girls since her, small flings, one nights, etc., but no relationship. Every girl I meet, I compare to her. And none of them could even compete with her. It's crazy, it's like the way she described me is the way I'm describing her. Why?!? I've never described her like that, but, after this much time apart, it feels that way. I still do miss her, and different than other times, I mainly miss my friend.
ANSWER: Hello again, Ryan,
Getting over a love is a very tough thing. It's painful. Some can move on faster than others. But, I think you said it best: you miss your friend. The longer you have been away from her, it appears that you're developing a selective memory. All of the negatives are being overlooked, and you are recalling only the positives. Therefore, every other girl you compare her to, can't match up (could also be, that she really is a great girl).
What you are going through is natural and normal. You are moving away from her ever so slowly, though. You're not obsessing over her, and you will continue to feel more comfortable without her. But, until you find another match, you'll probably continue to put her on a pedestal. But, when you find another woman who you really click with, moving on will be easier.
I still wonder though, does she care about me, think about me? It was obvious at the concert that she still does. It's the longest we've gone without speaking since we've been friends, and it's insanely tough. It's hard to go without talking to someone, especially while living in the same town, going to schools less than 10 minutes from one-another. But, could it be that she's forgotten all about me?
Part of me still thinks there's hope, but, in the distance. Nothing soon, but, eventually. We always said we wish we'd met after college, since it'd make everything easier. It may not be a bad thing to let stuff go for a while, there may be no sense in rushing something.
Answer Hello again, Ryan,
Do I know what she's thinking? of course not, but from the many correspondences we've had over the months, I can't imagine her EVER forgetting about you. You two have had a very strong relationship. No matter what that relationship eventually becomes, how could either of you forget about the other? And, it's hard not to hold a special place in your heart for someone you have cared so much about.
Let me let you in on three relationships in my life. I had a girlfriend in high school who broke my heart. I had to distance myself from her for sometime to heal. That was over twenty years ago. She and I both have families. We visit each other at times, send cards during the holidays and give gifts to each other's kids. We will always be connected.
In college, I dated a young lady, and I broke her heart. She was very hurt and couldn't talk with me. We lost touch. Earlier this week she found me on FaceBook and we've started catching up... 20 years later.
A female friend and I got into a disagreement in college, and stopped hanging out for over a year, but we had been so close that we couldn't let our differences separate us. We started to hang put again. Next year, we will have been married 18 years.
The point is, I think you and Kay will always be connected somewhere. Will you be friends that know each other's families? Will you lose touch and find each other years later? Or, will fate bring you back and keep you together forever? I don't know. But, you will be in each other's hearts, and I'm sure she thinks of you.. often.
