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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > How to Strengthen Your Relationship > Confusion and heartbroken/rejected
Expert: Stuart A. Kaplowitz, MFT - 11/2/2009
Question
we went to the cinema together and he was all over me(holding my waist, putting his face close to mine) and after i told him i love him. he said he didnt feel the same way and hopes i dont hate him for that and that he wants to be friends. and later on that night i asked him to explain why he said that, firstly he said he didnt feel any spark(and how do i make him feel that spark) and then i asked him why did you lead me on then? and he said its because he's used to casually holding girl's hands and hands on the waist,like without feelings and just basically messing about with them and he also said if a girl "gives" herself to him.(leans on him,like i did)..he doesnt push them away.because he knows and they know they're just messing about. but i have feelings for him. but i only found out about this after i texted him i love him. and now i want to make him feel that spark to like me? i am crazy about him, cant stop thinking of him and its really affecting me-my diet(no appetite),cant sleep,cant concreate.
please help
Answer
Kate, I guess the good news here is that he is being upfront with his feelings/hopes. It sounds like he may be looking to just date casually. His feelings could change but, if he is indeed being honest and not ready for a deeper relationship at this time, it is not wise to push him on it. I would be worried for example that you continue to date with him just saying his feelings might change and you getting your hopes up and you becoming more committed to the relationship he does not want to grow.
Of course Kate, he may be interested in continuing to date you casually (I am not sure exactly what this would mean to him though). It certainly is possible that his feelings will change but he would need to come to this conclusion on his own. If you are ok in dating casually, then this could be a start. Again, you need to just remember his feelings may not change. You could also just continue phone contact, e-mail, etc., as just friends and perhaps things would progress out of that. Either way, I would suggest taking things slowly. Good luck! Stuart
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