AboutKindred Beisinger penname K D Elizabeth Beisinger Expertise I am able to answer questions regarding dating, courtship, and marriage after divorce. I feel equipped to address questions and comments regarding old baggage and past mistakes. I can also answer questions pertaining to blended families and step-children. I can not answer questions that involve manipulating the partners behavior or outlook.
Experience I am a minister that teaches and counsels G-d's instruction for stable relationships. My husband and I have both been married before. I have worked with battered women and facilitated groups for men with anger issues. As a minister, I have officiated several weddings in the past decade, with only one resulting in divorce.
Question My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. For the last year of that time, we lived together. She had a college apartment and we shared payments on food etc. This summer her time in the apartment ended and I graduated from the same college, so we moved apart. The strange thing is that last semester she expressed her wish to live on her own because she felt distracted from her goals. The rest of last semester we had a lot of fun living together and she was very affectionate the entire time. She would often call me and ask me to go visit her at the apartment. Now that the summer has started, it feels like a 180 turn. She only wants to see me on the weekend and seems a bit aggravated when I visit unannounced. I read into it and thought that maybe she did not want to be with me anymore. When I confronted her on the subject, she said that she cared for me more than anyone she had known and wanted to stay together, but insisted on seeing me sparsely. Now I am confused, I know the usual answer is that she is probably tired of me and is trying to let me go without a fight. But I am confused by all of the other variables. When I confronted her directly, she said she was not sick of me and did not take the chance to break up with me and she is very affectionate when I do see her. Also, she planned this whole thing months in advance and let me know her intentions then. From the time she told me this to the time we moved apart, she was very affectionate and wanted to see me all the time. This doesn't seem to fit the stereotypical breakup technique I have heard of before, but I am still confused and depressed by the whole thing. What do you think?
Answer Dear Nate,
I agree with you, it is confusing. She seems to be saying one thing, yet acting out another. The messages are quite opposite. I don't mean to add fuel to a fire, but it sounds to me like some sort of control issue, on her part. Do you have any say in the relationship at all? I think you should. This situation really sounds like it keeps you unsure all the time. I think you should have some say in the relationship, also! Even when you "confront" her on the subject, the choice is still up to her. I think you need to consider what you want in a relationship and it could be, she's not meeting your needs and idea of what you want in a relationship. That is to be considered.
I wish you well and much happiness.
Kind Regards,
KD
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