AboutKindred Beisinger penname K D Elizabeth Beisinger Expertise I am able to answer questions regarding dating, courtship, and marriage after divorce. I feel equipped to address questions and comments regarding old baggage and past mistakes. I can also answer questions pertaining to blended families and step-children. I can not answer questions that involve manipulating the partners behavior or outlook.
Experience I am a minister that teaches and counsels G-d's instruction for stable relationships. My husband and I have both been married before. I have worked with battered women and facilitated groups for men with anger issues. As a minister, I have officiated several weddings in the past decade, with only one resulting in divorce.
Question I've been dating a guy for 8 months now and when he first asked me out he
stated that it was to court me for marriage. We have lots in common and
enjoy spending time with one another. But now I'm wondering if we spend
too much time together. When we first started dating he send me cards, i
tunes songs and text me all the time about how special I was to him. Now he
still tells me he loves me all the time but it's more routine. He has children
from a previous marriage and is the most wonderful father but I wonder too
were I fit in the picture. We spend all our free time together. After work we
either talk or go for coffee or hang out at each other's house for awhile. It
feels like we are married because of the routine-quality of our lives but we
are not. I'm glad he's comfortable around me and we can both be ourselves,
wear sweats, laugh together and even vent if we need to, but I still want to be
romanced. I mean come on we are not even married yet. Have I made myself
too accessble? Should I be more mysterious? He's older than me and this is
not his first time marrying so that may have something to do with it. I don't
want to play games, but I do want to feel like a goal. One day I told him that I
wanted to be wooed and "pursued" a little more but he said in a marriage life
has a routine to it and it's good to see what life would be like now. I said
while I now married life is more "average" than "amazing" we were still
courting now and since this was my first and only time I planned on getting
courted and married I wanted it to be wonderful and special. I haven't
noticed much difference or any more effort put in since that time. What's a
girl to do?? Am I living in fantasy land or is he legitimately letting me down?
Answer Dear Annie R.
[> What's a girl to do?? Am I living in fantasy land or is he legitimately letting me down?<]
Good question, tough call. I'm going to shoot straight here, because I'm not sure if he's dragging his feet on commitment or just what his deal is. If he expects you to already be in the marriage routine, where's the ring and commitment? If he is still courting, there needs to be some romancing. It's time to move forward or you'll be moving backward. Routine is for marriage and there is more security in mundane when the commitment is made and understood. When guys are comfortable, they tend to put out less effort. Well, I guess women do to, but we don't get comfortable until we have security and know where things really stand. I think the two of you are at the point of moving forward or you will begin to lose ground. And by now, moving forward is making wedding plans.
I wish you well and much happiness.
Kind Regards,
KD
www.kdliz.com
