Past/Present clients Hundreds of people from all walks of life. Experience: 25 years in the field of Personistics (innate personality characteristics)that includes: private personality profiling, Life Guidance Coaching, Business consulting, teaching numerous classes & seminars, lectures, and participating in radio talk shows.
Question Age 20:
Hello Sharon. A little background for you; my boyfriend and I have been
dating for about a year now. In the beginning it was amazing....but now over
time we have less and less time with each other and priorities are different
now. We love each other more than anything. However, we have a huge
communication issue. He is super busy with school and work and other
activities and by the time he gets home he is exhausted and wants to be a
lone or be with his friends. (We tend to see each other every 4-5 days)I know
he has a busy schedule, but when he has free time he would rather be with
his friends and then fits me in..which sometimes is rarely. Not only that, I am
a firm believer that if someone wants to see you, they will make the time to
see you. Now I have become more busy and our schedules are overlapping
and it has been harder than ever to spend time with each other. Anyways, my
question is, how do I strengthen these lines of communication? He doesn't
seem to get that a simple text or phone call, when he cant make something
or whatever the case is, will do the trick. Also, with not wanting to nag, how
do I ask if he can set aside sometime for us? Also, is there a specific way to communicate important things about our relationship to him? Especially right
now, he acts as if he is the only busy person and finds it so hard to make
time...if that is the case... obviously i cant do anything about it. But it has
been very hard to tell what he is thinking and wants...Any advice and
suggestions would be a great help!
Thank you so much!
-Rachel
Answer Hello Rachel,
It really helps to know if you are sexually active with him or not. If he only sees you when he needs sex then he is not really into the relationship. If not, then he really is not into the relationship like you are. You are right, if a guy wants to be with you he will make the time.
People tell you how they feel by what they do. If he acts like he is the only busy one and in order to relax wants to be with his friends, then he really has little need to be with you and so there is nothing to talk about because he is already telling you that you are not that important to him.
So, either his time with you is not enjoyable or relaxing, for some reason, and that is why he wants to be with friends, or he is not much into you.
It is up to you to acknowledge your boundaries. Are you giving him everything and demand nothing in return? There are ways to speak your boundaries without nagging. Men rarely talk about their feelings but they do show their feelings by their actions.
So, I hate to say it but he is not as committed to you as you are to him. I believe the best thing to do is to be very busy and make him work hard to get to see you. Men value women who are not so available and easy all the time. It is just their nature. Are you fun to be with when you are together or are you trying to get him to "talk" to you about the relationship? That is usually a turnoff for guys. When he says that he wants to be with the guys I would tell him that is great because it will give you time to do some things you want to do.
Then, I would start going to the movies without him and just start going out and about when you have time and be all cheerful and happy when you talk to him like nothing is wrong but that you are enjoying life. This usually makes you more attractive and gives the guy an uneasy feeling that maybe they had better start keeping closer tabs on their woman.
Another thing, is that if it a lasting and good relationship it should grow and grow. If there are some compatibility issues then it starts to fall away. Only you know that. I would back off and see if he comes after you. If not, then he is emotionally leaving the relationship.
I do hope this gives you things to think about. Feel free to respond with more detail. This is the best I can do with what you have given me and I do hope that things work out for you.
