Past/Present clients Hundreds of people from all walks of life. Experience: 25 years in the field of Personistics (innate personality characteristics)that includes: private personality profiling, Life Guidance Coaching, Business consulting, teaching numerous classes & seminars, lectures, and participating in radio talk shows.
Question Hi, I am twenty seven years old and my boyfriend is thirty one, and we have been with my boyfriend for six years and it was never a solid six years. There were times where we took a break from "US" and always got back together. I say the longest time we've been apart was for about a couple of weeks. The past couple of years everything has been great and we've grown closer. I work on the weekends and just recently, I made a deal with my boyfriend that as long as he makes time for me Sunday through Wednesday, he could do whatever he wanted the rest of the week. That deal I would soon find out, bit me in the behind. Whenever I try to hang out with my bf on the weekends, he blows me off and always says "let's meet up on Sunday, ok." There are times when I feel like he only wants to be with me when it's convenient for him. I basically feel unappreciated and neglected in this relationship. I know he loves me but I am not happy and I feel every time this way and bring it to his attention, he says I don't appreciate the things he does for me and that I'm always unhappy with him. Please help me breathe again and figure out what is best for my situation. Thank you.
Answer Dear Sly,
What you see is what you get. Your bf is happy with this relationship the way it is. He likes his weekends free. As long as he gets what he wants out of it he is happy. So, the question is do want this kind of relationship or do want a different one?
There is a law that when one person changes, the other has to change. Sometimes for the worse and sometimes for the better--that is the chance you take. You can either keep your same behavior and have the same results or risk another behavior and take a chance that either it will bring you closer or farther apart.
I would start doing some new things by myself such as going to movies and other places and then telling him how much you enjoyed it. I would take some lessons or add a new sport or get a new hobby of some kind and tell him how much fun you are having. If you do this you must say nothing about your relationship and back off completely from trying to get his "feelings" on it, or ask him to be with you more. You must act cheerful and happy like you are moving forward in life and loving it.
Then in a week or so, be busy during the time you usually get together and tell him that you have some things to do and have made another commitment but that you will miss him and look forward to seeing him the next night or the following week. Then do something with other people (do not try to make him jealous by thinking you are with competition, just be busy with a group of friends or family or something like that).
Then if he asks you if there is anything wrong tell him no, not at all. Now, this will cause him to think about maybe that he had better be more attentive or you might be moving on. Or, he might do more with whoever he being with on the weekends and pull away from you. Usually, fear of loss is quite motivating, however, and often will bring someone around. You will soon know--and you might start having so much fun that you won't care!
If he complains tell him that "Well, you seem to have another life outside of our relationship and so I thought you would be pleased about this." "So, how do you want our relationship to work?" Do not show your hand and let him solve the problem. That way, you will know how much he does or does not care.
