Past/Present clients Hundreds of people from all walks of life. Experience: 25 years in the field of Personistics (innate personality characteristics)that includes: private personality profiling, Life Guidance Coaching, Business consulting, teaching numerous classes & seminars, lectures, and participating in radio talk shows.
Question i am 21 and so is my ex.we have been dating sense we were 16 but have know eachother sinse we were very young. the last year of relationship has been very rough due to her not showing me any sort of physical attention..not just sex but holding hands touching kissing etc..i stopped feeling truley wanted by her like i did before. we began fighting about nothing but her lack of desire and due to our sudden akwardness together she broke up with me and the very next day wanted we got back together. we tried that for awhile and it died off shortly so she broke up with me again and 2weeks later missed me and wanted to try things again..then 2weeks later(present day) she doesnt want to break up but take a break. sense we have been together most of our young years she wants to know what it is like to be independent, not to hook up with random guys or go out drinking and partying, that is not her at all. she wants to make decisions on her own without thinking of me first. she still is calling me everyday texting me all day long as if we were still together. she still loves me and cares for me but claims she doesnt have anything left to give and needs a break. she says i am a great boyfriend and doesnt want to hurt me. she is currently at summer school for a month and wants to talk about our relationship when she gets back home for the rest of summer. what should i do in the mean time. keep in mind i want more than anything to live a long and happy life with her but i dont want to push her away and want this to be the last "break up". we are so compatible its crazy but we seem to be in this wierd funk and cant get back to being so happy together. any advice on how to handle this the right way?
Answer Hello,
This happens when couples get together into a serious relationship when too young. One or the other almost always feels like their youth has passed them by and they missed out on exploring life to the fullest. Also, people change a lot during those years and it is common to grow apart and end up with different goals, etc.
So, the only thing I can suggest is that you give her space to spread her wings a bit. Then, I would ask her out once in awhile and plan an adventurous date where you are doing new things together. Since there is usually a lack of feeling like the person has not explored life then think of things you can do together that are different/unusual so there is a feeling that you are exploring life a bit.
I would hold off on the sex because you do not want to risk when you are not committed. This will make the relationship more exciting, anyway, if you actually do regular dating. So, I would ask her if you can take her out a couple times a month and then makes it very special. This might be the excitement she is seeking and will draw you back together. Otherwise, she will grow apart from you and it will become obvious to you both that it won't work.
Life happens, and not always the way we think or wish. I do hope there is a happily ever after for you both together but it might not be. If it becomes obvious she has moved on then don't hold on too long.
