AboutLeon Scott Baxter Expertise I can answer questions about keeping love in committed relationships alive and fresh. I am
not the guy to go to if you're having marital problems or if you want to know how to meet
someone. (I've never been good at opening lines.)
I am dedicated to keeping the romance fires burning even after the embers of a new
relationship turn cold. Let me help you find ways to be excited about each other and your
relationship again.
Experience I have written two books, Out of the Doghouse , and A Labor With Love, to help keep romance alive in relationships. I give romance advice locally on radio have a regular newspaper column on relationships. I host a website, CouplesCommittedToLove.com, where I offer advice and give daily romance tips. I also have hosted the seminars, "Romance 101" and "The Valentine Prep Course".
Publications Santa Barbara Independent Magazine, MenStuff.com, SBParent.com, The Goleta Valley Voice, EducationNews.org
Education/Credentials Bachelor's Degree from the University of California, Santa Barbara, as well as a teaching credential.
Awards and Honors KLITE Community Hero and Ben & Jerry's Citizen Cool for my work with children and their focus on academic and personal improvement.
Listed in Who's Who in America. Name was placed on the National Wall of Tolerance for taking a stand against hate, injustice and intolerance.
In high school, voted "Most Likely To Host Saturday Night Live by 1999". Unfortunately, Lorne Michaels never called.
Question I had asked Sharon the below mentioned matter to her and further below is her answer, now that shes on vacation, i am choosing you for better suggestion..
hi, my name is Hima,i am 24 years old...i have been into a relationship with my boyfriend past a year.he lives in different country and i live in different country, he used to come down specially to meet me.we both work in the same company but different branch. Couple of weeks back he came to know about my past relationships (particularly physical relationships) which i had not tell him before due to the fear of loosing him, he loved me alot, he was damn serious about our relationship, i too love him the same way he does to me, but now as he has come to know about my past, he just cant take it as i had hidden from him and had told him a lie, but now i have admitted my mistake and i am feeling really guilty about what i did. i have realized my mistake. i asked him to forgive me once and to give me a chance to prove myself, he says he doesnt want to keep any relationship with me, as he doesnt trust me anymore and he hates me now for what i did to him, i told him all the truth n promised him il never repeat my mistake again in my life, but he doesnt believe in anything whatever i say him... i tried my best to get him back to me, but he doesnt listen anything, he doesnt even answer my fone...i tried my best to explain him and make him understnd, but he only thinks that im lying to him...i cant go to hes place and meet him cuz of my parents will not allow me to travel... i really love him and i know that he loves me too, i want to save my relationship anyhow, we both had also decided to marry but i guess he will not marry me now, hes very upset and angry as i have hurted him alot, and i am really sorry about what i did to him....Please help me in saving my relationship...
Answer Hello HIma,
I can help people when they have differences when both want to work it out but in this case, he has lost your trust. I guess this is a good reason not to have sex until marriage as the next guy that comes along feels cheated.
The question is, has he had past relationships, too? If so, then you could write him and tell him that if you can forget his past he should be able to forget your past, too.
Otherwise, I do not know what you can do. You have apologized and done what you can. Perhaps if you just stop trying to contact him, he will miss you and later on call when he has time to think about it.
I hope that he can forgive you in a little while so that you can be together. But it won't work out if he keeps bringing up the past. Think about that, too.
That is all I can suggest. Wish I could be more help.
Sharon Crandall
I am sure you have read the whole matter, and today i had send him a message of hi hello after 1 week, had a chat with my guy, only for 2 -3 minutes, and we had a conversation only on "work" subject(like asking each other - hows work going n all), he didnt speak to me much, just a lil bit and said that we will talk latrz but i am glad that he did respond to me, hmm wanted to know from you, do u think there's a hope of he coming back to me and is it a good start of talking to him today morning, though he doesnt speak to me much, but, i dont know, i dont wish to loose him....Wish if you could help me in this matter to move more forward with him....what step should i take now?
Answer Hello Hima,
When someone is hurt by someone else, they instinctively try to defend themselves from further pain. And, by him feeling betrayed by not so much your past sexual experiences, but by keeping them hidden from him, he felt hurt.
It may have come off as anger, but anger is really a manifestation of sadness or pain. So, how has he decided to avoid further pain? He has withdrawn from you. He may love you dearly, but he doesn't want to feel like he felt ever again. So, he's told himself that you are not the person he loved. He's trying to convince himself that because of the secrets you've kept, he fell in love with a sham. I am not saying that his actions are right or wrong, but only trying to explain what I think he's probably going through.
So, what can you do? I think that him talking to you is a good sign. He's showing a little more comfort with you, but is obviously still guarding himself pretty intensely.
If he gives you another chance, it's really going to take a lot of time and patience. My advice is to try to start to build this relationship from the ground up again. Right now you two need to talk about the mundane: work, the weather, whatever, just to reconnect. Then, try and build a friendship with him, nothing more.
I wouldn't push the relationship or talk about trying it again, or asking him what happened. I would just see if I could be his friend, and go at his speed. If you push, he will probably pull away again. And, eventually, when he feels as though he can trust you as a friend again, maybe you two can talk about the issues that got you here in a civil way. And, who knows? Maybe you'll both be willing to try again.
But, I do think this healing for him and rebuilding for you is going to take a lot of time. Good thing, he's talking to you again.
