AboutLeon Scott Baxter Expertise I can answer questions about keeping love in committed relationships alive and fresh. I am
not the guy to go to if you're having marital problems or if you want to know how to meet
someone. (I've never been good at opening lines.)
I am dedicated to keeping the romance fires burning even after the embers of a new
relationship turn cold. Let me help you find ways to be excited about each other and your
relationship again.
Experience I have written two books, Out of the Doghouse , and A Labor With Love, to help keep romance alive in relationships. I give romance advice locally on radio have a regular newspaper column on relationships. I host a website, CouplesCommittedToLove.com, where I offer advice and give daily romance tips. I also have hosted the seminars, "Romance 101" and "The Valentine Prep Course".
Publications Santa Barbara Independent Magazine, MenStuff.com, SBParent.com, The Goleta Valley Voice, EducationNews.org
Education/Credentials Bachelor's Degree from the University of California, Santa Barbara, as well as a teaching credential.
Awards and Honors KLITE Community Hero and Ben & Jerry's Citizen Cool for my work with children and their focus on academic and personal improvement.
Listed in Who's Who in America. Name was placed on the National Wall of Tolerance for taking a stand against hate, injustice and intolerance.
In high school, voted "Most Likely To Host Saturday Night Live by 1999". Unfortunately, Lorne Michaels never called.
Question QUESTION: Here is my question...does it make sense to you that a man would pack viagra for his 40th high school reunion trip? My husband is telling me that only a man understands so I really need a man's perspective.
A little background. My husband recently attended his out of state high school reunion. He went alone and I fully supported him going without me. I have issues at work and it would have been difficult for me to take time off. After he left for his trip I discovered he took one viagra pill with him. (Yes, I count his viagras which is a mistrust issue we need to address).
When I asked him about packing a viagra pill for his trip he initially denied it and made up a story. When I did not back down and presented him with the facts he finally admitted he packed one for his trip. He explained he packed the viagra for masturbation purposes. In 21 years of marriage he has never shared the need to masturbate. Despite our issues and a long term marriage we have a hot sex life and strong physical attraction. I think he packed it in case he met someone and wanted to have sex. I do not understand his explanation of masturbation. He tells me I don't understand because I'm a woman. He says only men can relate to man's need to masturbate in his hotel room at reunion time. I really don't understand because we just had sex the night before he left for his trip. Help me because I am not buying his explanation of masturbation.
ANSWER: Hello Kay,
I'm not buying it either. Could I be wrong? Sure, but the information you've given me leads me to believe that he's not being truthful.
First, you have had a great sex life, so if he masturbated regularly, in those 21 years, you probably would have been included in that if he did it regularly.
When you called him on it, he initially lied. If he just wanted to masturbate, why would he sneak a pill, then lie about it? Yes, men often tend to need sexual release more than women (not always, though), but prepping oneself by bringing a Viagra for masturbation purposes does not sound realistic to me.
You obviously have reason to question his trust because you checked up on him before leaving. What has happened in the past to create this mistrust?
And, his sexual appetite is pretty big, so it does sound as though he may have been prepping himself if the opportunity arose.
Unless I hear something else, I'm banking with you, that he was preparing for a bit of indiscretion. Sorry.
QUESTION: Thank you. You confirmed what I knew deep down. You are right about our sexual communication and if masturbating is important to him we would have talked about it and included this in our love making.
The list is long of what has happened in the past to create my mistrust and unfortunately began before we married. All were very similar to this latest event. Lets just say I'm getting to be a very good detective as I get older and wiser. This time I had concrete facts so I gave him no option to stand by his lies.
I'm getting to the point where I don't want to live like this anymore. Constantly feeling like I need to check up on him. After 20 plus years the unhealthiness is really getting to me. The sad thing is we both love one another deeply. He helped me raise 3 sons from my previous marriage and is a really good guy. Neither of us wants a divorce. I guess we should think about going to counseling.
I appreciate any further advice from you. Thank you so much.
Answer Hello again, Kay,
I think going to counseling is a great idea. He sounds like a great guy except for the indiscretions. You say he loves you deeply and I feel you love him as much. So, it could be that he has a sexual addiction of some sort.
If he loves you as much as he says, I would assume he would be willing to go to counseling. I hope so, but if he doesn't remember that you can still go to get advice, and he may eventually come around and join you.
I wish you two the very best and hope you can work through this. Just remember, it may get tougher before it gets easier.
