AboutLeon Scott Baxter Expertise I can answer questions about keeping love in committed relationships alive and fresh. I am
not the guy to go to if you're having marital problems or if you want to know how to meet
someone. (I've never been good at opening lines.)
I am dedicated to keeping the romance fires burning even after the embers of a new
relationship turn cold. Let me help you find ways to be excited about each other and your
relationship again.
Experience I have written two books, Out of the Doghouse , and A Labor With Love, to help keep romance alive in relationships. I give romance advice locally on radio have a regular newspaper column on relationships. I host a website, CouplesCommittedToLove.com, where I offer advice and give daily romance tips. I also have hosted the seminars, "Romance 101" and "The Valentine Prep Course".
Publications Santa Barbara Independent Magazine, MenStuff.com, SBParent.com, The Goleta Valley Voice, EducationNews.org
Education/Credentials Bachelor's Degree from the University of California, Santa Barbara, as well as a teaching credential.
Awards and Honors KLITE Community Hero and Ben & Jerry's Citizen Cool for my work with children and their focus on academic and personal improvement.
Listed in Who's Who in America. Name was placed on the National Wall of Tolerance for taking a stand against hate, injustice and intolerance.
In high school, voted "Most Likely To Host Saturday Night Live by 1999". Unfortunately, Lorne Michaels never called.
Question QUESTION: I have been dating a guy for about 3 years we have some issues.. I am in my mid twentys him a few years older.. We do not currently have the "strongest" relationship we have been through some hard times recently he always results to breaking up which gives me some insecuritys. He recently just got a new job and works with this 23 year old girl 8 hours a day.. I dont feel comfortable I have only meet her once when I dropped off lunch for him one day and she kept looking back at him when we were talking and not me so it just was a bit uncomfortable.. She knows we are together but she also some how knows we do not live together and he lives with roommates (is that weird they are talking about stuff like that) Anyway they have only been working together 2 maybe 3 weeks and she asked him to help her move, shes obviously moving soon. He just told me this today that oh by the way ---- needs some help moving and asked me if me and my roommates could help her. He was talking about how she has to move back in with her mom to help her out b/c her mom lost her job and he feels bad for her and she does not have anyone else and so on and so on.. I just feel like ok there is no one else this girl knows that can help her move shes asking a guy she just meet.. He told me well I figured you would come with us and help her move.. The thing is I work and go to school working on my Bach. so I have either work or school 7 days a week so chances are I prob. will not be able to go.. I told him this makes me feel alittle uncomfortable since I do not really know this girl and it just seems kindof weird but he didnt really care and just got mad at me that I felt that way and said well im going either way.. Am I reading too much into this or is this weird this girl he works w/ only 2 weeks is asking him to help her move??
ANSWER: Hello Kim,
I'm not sure if you are reading too much into this or not. I need to know why after three years you are so suspicious. Has something occurred in the past? has he ever been unfaithful to you/ Has another bf cheated on you? What about your parents? have they always been faithful? What about you? Have you cheated on this or any other boyfriend?
If there is no history of cheating anywhere in your past, I would venture to say that you MIGHT be overreacting. Who knows? Maybe she is trying to make a move on him. But, if you two have always been faithful, don't you trust that he'd make the right choice after three years?
I'm just getting a feeling that there's a trust issue somewhere here that you haven't yet mentioned. Let me know.
QUESTION: Thanks for taking time to help me first of all I do really appreicate it! Neither of us have every cheated in a relationship and both of us have always had long lasting relationships. We meet as roommates and after a few months we started dating. We had been together up untill dec. living together and all the sudden he told me he didnt think it was working and moved out. I was crushed and did not see it coming. He said I was too controling and too jealouse. I have caught him in a couple of whie lies an email from his ex he did not tell me about I found and he denied even though it was innocent and his best friend is a girl who is married but I am uncomfortable with it since I do not know her and he would text her theres no one I am more thankfull for then you on thanksgiving and delete it so I do get alittle jealouse but he says he did not tell me about those things b/c they were not a big deal to him and he most likely knew I would get mad un jealouse and did not want to deal with it. I do not think he would ever cheat on me but I do think he would leave me since he has already broken up w/ me before.. We now live in different places but still are together we never really broke up andwe still spend every night together and every day so nothing has really changed except we dont offically live together so I do have a big issues of not feeling comp. comfortable since he did move out after living and dating for almost 3 years together.
Answer Hello again, Kim,
What was the reason he gave you for moving out after living together for so long? That could be very significant. After that long, usually you either break up, or make strides to get closer to a commitment. So, for him to request a step back looks as though he's trying to get space for some reason, and that maybe a long-term commitment is not on his plate right now.
I think I too would be concerned with him telling his ex he's most thankful for her and then hiding it. There seems to be something going on here with him. You're going to need to try and get down to that and find out what it is he really wants and expects from this relationship.
It sounds to me that there's a bigger issue at play than just this girl from work. I think that the girl is merely a branch of a bigger problem.
