Past/Present clients Hundreds of people from all walks of life. Experience: 25 years in the field of Personistics (innate personality characteristics)that includes: private personality profiling, Life Guidance Coaching, Business consulting, teaching numerous classes & seminars, lectures, and participating in radio talk shows.
Question I have been dating a guy for about 3 years we have some issues.. I am in my mid twentys him a few years older.. We do not currently have the "strongest" relationship we have been through some hard times recently he always results to breaking up which gives me some insecuritys. He recently just got a new job and works with this 23 year old girl 8 hours a day.. I dont feel comfortable I have only meet her once when I dropped off lunch for him one day and she kept looking back at him when we were talking and not me so it just was a bit uncomfortable.. She knows we are together but she also some how knows we do not live together and he lives with roommates (is that weird they are talking about stuff like that) Anyway they have only been working together 2 maybe 3 weeks and she asked him to help her move, shes obviously moving soon. He just told me this today that oh by the way ---- needs some help moving and asked me if me and my roommates could help her. He was talking about how she has to move back in with her mom to help her out b/c her mom lost her job and he feels bad for her and she does not have anyone else and so on and so on.. I just feel like ok there is no one else this girl knows that can help her move shes asking a guy she just meet.. He told me well I figured you would come with us and help her move.. The thing is I work and go to school working on my Bach. so I have either work or school 7 days a week so chances are I prob. will not be able to go.. I told him this makes me feel alittle uncomfortable since I do not really know this girl and it just seems kindof weird but he didnt really care and just got mad at me that I felt that way and said well im going either way.. Am I reading too much into this or is this weird this girl he works w/ only 2 weeks is asking him to help her move??
Answer HI Kim,
Men have a blind spot when it comes to girls coming on to them. They do not see it. They think they are just being friendly. I would be uncomfortable, too, but the way to handle it is to Tell him that you think it kind of him to be helpful and that you will be there, at least part of the time to help, then make SURE you are there no matter how difficult, at least for part of the time and then go right up to the girl and say very cheerfully and like you are tickled to death your boyfriend offered to help--say something like, "I am so glad my boyfriend came right home and told me we were going to help you move. I know what it is like to need help sometimes; what would you like me to do?" "I have 2 hours now and then will be back later to help finish up." If you can be there right at the beginning and then again at the end, that would be best.
The more confident you are the better for you to keep your guy. Then get this girl's phone number if you can to "see if there is anything else you can do to help." In other words, your strong presence and cooperation with her should, hopefully, make her see that you have a strong relationship. If you do this, you should be able to change the whole dynamics of this relationship.
That is my advice. I hope it helps and it should unless your guy truly has a wandering eye and is dissatisfied with your relationship, then learn skills as to how to work out your differences without fighting. I will have a CD soon on my website entitled, "How to stop arguing and start connecting." Go to www.personalityconsultant.com and read about it and then within a short time I will have a shopping cart there.
