Question Ok, so I got my first boyfriend 3 weeks ago. Since he's my first I really didn't know how to act. Well, we hug, and make small talk, but do nothing else. He calls sometimes, and we talk about random things, but that's it. We've made date plans twice, but he was unable to come both times. I can't help but wonder is this normal? My friend got his girlfriend a few days after I got my boyfriend, and I feel like they're advancing faster than us. They spend all their time together, and seem to enjoy each other a lot. I guess I just feel like there's a barrier between my boyfriend and I. So, can you please help me figure this out? Thank You.
Answer Hi Dessie, good for you in reaching out. I can imagine how it might be bittersweet to hear a friend's relationship progressing farther than where you are. Certainly, we can be happy for our friend yet maybe feel a little jealous too. Perhaps some in your shoes might think they must not be doing something right if their own relationship is not farther along.
When you say, "we hug, and make small talk, but nothing else," it sounds as if this is not enough for you. Yet after only a few weeks, I am thinking this sounds ok. I hear pressure in your words. First, please do not compare this relationship to what any of your friends may have. This will only add to the pressure you are already feeling and every relationship is different.
What is really neat here Dessie is that you want to learn more. There could be a number of things going on for him. For example, if he is young and/or not dated much, one might wonder if he knows what to say and how to keep a conversation going. He might be very interested in you but nervous. To generalize a bit, we guys may not be the best in sharing our feelings. You can certainly jump start conversations by focusing on his/you likes (such as sports, activities, etc.). Ask him what he likes, how he spends his free time, his family, and so forth. Bottom line, Dessie, please be ok with the pace. Good luck! Stuart
