How to Strengthen Your Relationship/Lost the "spark"


Hello, I was wondering if you might be able to give me a little insight or advice since everyone in my life right now has different opinions on this.
My boyfriend of 1 year and 9 months just broke up with me and his reasoning is he just can't find that "spark" we once had. He claims he does not know where it went, and for the past 2 months he has been trying to get it back, but it just doesn't seem to be working. He also mentioned that the "spark" could be gone because he is not sure if he is still "in love" with me. He is sure that he "loves" me, but not positive if he still is "in love" because the spark went away. Therefore he broke up with me to see if the spark might come back with some time apart. I have read on other sites that this happens in every relationship, the "honeymoon" phase wears out, and people become comfortable with each other. Therefore, the relationship needs an effort from both ends of the spectrum to keep it alive.
The couple questions I have for you are;
-Do you think time apart is really a "fix" for this type of relationship issue? Or should we be working through this in a relationship with each other to try and make things work?
-Is there anything I can do while we are not together to try and re-kindle that "spark?"
-Could there be a possibility that we lost that "spark" because we are always texting all throughout the day, every day not giving each other much space?
-If we were to try and work through this as a couple, what should we do to try and gain the spark back?

Thank you, I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Hello Felicia,

You say you have been reading about the "honeymoon" phase fading. I put together this short piece that may repeat some of what you have read (

As the piece states, the passion and excitement generally fade 6 to 18 months into a relationship. It sounds as though his change in the feelings for this relationship have fallen within that span.

There are two things that may be taking place with him now. The first is that he assumes that love always remains as exciting and passionate as it does during the honeymoon stage. Since things have changed, he may now be questioning if he really loves you, not understanding that this new phase of love involves contentment, comfort, patience and security.

The other thing that may be happening is that he may be realizing that he truly isn't in love and never has been. The honeymoon stage can fool us at times to think we are in love. So, when it ends, we realize that we were being faked out the entire time (

I want to know first if he has ever had a long-term committed relationship before. I want to know if he has ever made it past the end of the honeymoon stage and sustained a relationship.

The good news is that although the excitement and passion don't come to us naturally anymore, we can still attain it through work. There were some ideas in that piece I linked for you. Also, feel free to join my newsletter list on the right side of my home page ( to get a monthly free newsletter filled with ideas to keep romance alive in the relationship. You can also get a daily idea here (

To answer your questions, I don't think time apart will fix the relationship, but it can be good to clear your minds and figure out what you want in the relationship and which step to take next. I explained already why the spark has been lost (see above). To get the spark back, as I stated above, use some ideas from the link I gave you. If you see that makes a difference, let me know and I will offer more guidance.

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


©2017 All rights reserved.