How to Strengthen Your Relationship/Young love


When I am not in a relationship, I am a strong and independant woman. I am very focused and my friends often know that I am ambitious.

I am dating a guy now , who is different from my past boyfriends. When I am in a relationship though, I tend to become needy and insecure, feeling as if my boyfriend will leave me. I tend to feel like if they don't talk to me or hold me, they don't care. I know this is wrong. My current boyfriend likes space after a fight, whereas I like to be talked to. We have had fights over this but we finally find a half way point.

My question is, why do I feel this way? And what can I do to change it? I know that if I keep being clingy to my boyfriend, he will leave me. I do love him and I believe somehow that he is good for me, because I know I have to learn not to be clingy if I want him to stay. It's just weird because I am not a clingy person in general.

Hi Michelle,

I am glad you are taking time to reflect and analyze here.  I do believe that, deep-down, you yearn for a relationship but fear it as well.  My hunch is you also doubt it can / will really happen for you.  I can appreciate the space thing, and perhaps your fear is that if you give too much space, he may not come back or that the situation cannot be rectified.   I am glad you found middle ground.  Counseling may be a wonderful way to go deeper into your feelings.  In sessions, I like to look at one's past relationships and how they started / ended to look for patterns of coping.  Many times, our own upbringing (how parents communicated and related to each other as well as what we witnessed in other's relationships are at the root of our current behavior.  Perhaps you can reflect on this as well.  Good luck!  Stuart

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

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Stuart A. Kaplowitz, MFT


how to help relationship. How to address issues within relationship......I am pretty open here


20th year in the field. Managed and directed clinical programs. Now, I work out of my own office as well as supervise counselors

California Association of Marriage & Family Therapists

The California Therapist

B.A. Psychology M.S. Counseling Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Awards and Honors
Hero of the Heart - Covina Valley USD

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I work with individuals, couples, families and children

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