How to Strengthen Your Relationship/hardtimes


Hello, I want to tell you something and hopefully you can help me.
Some background info - I am a 28yo male, married for a couple of years and have been suffering on and off from depression for a good few years. Most of my depression is related to me and my personality. I should try to explain a bit more. I have always been a quiet and shy person. I get on well with pretty much anyone but I dont have any close friends, even among members of my family who I rarely see. I guess at times I feel lonely and would like to be more 'normal' (you probably hate that word but there it is). The situation is probably not helped by my wife working out of the country during the week and only back at weekends. Lately I have tried to be a bit more sociable with my work friends and also my wifes sister and her partner (just together, not married or engaged). I have been to see a counseller to talk about my depression and other issues for a few weeks. This week was a very tough week, I think things just got on top of me a bit too much - being lonely, cold weather, wife away etc.. and a bad week in work. On one of the evenings, my wifes sister came round for a cup of tea and a chat and I guess she could see something wasnt quite right with me and was asking questions. I guess I was at a particularly low point so I blurted out everything about how I had been feeling lately etc... and had a bit of a cry. My wifes sister offered me a hug which is just what i needed. However, as we separated, I kissed her. Im not really too sure what happened next, I think she was just surprised and caught offguard really while I apologised. Im not sure how long she stayed before getting a taxi, might have been 5mins or 30mins, its all a blur. Since then I have thought of nothing else. It's probably not helped by the fact that I find my sister in law very attractive and I think about her quite a bit while masturbating during the week/in shower etc... Ive even fantasised about her wearing her bridesmaid's dress for me. I guess all of this has me more confused than ever!
What do you think about my situation?

Hi Damien!

I am glad you started seeing a counselor. You deserve that support.  I can only imagine what it must be like to have wife away so much.  I think what so many of us miss in our lives is that support from family and friends.  We may have them in our lives but not necessarily in the roles we may need them to be.  Clearly, Damien, we need that here.  Any ideas on what would be comfortable for you?  There are so many activities out there.  Sometimes, in just going to some, we can make new friends with those who enjoy our other interests too.  

I understand the attraction to your sister-in-law.  And, let's face it, she is there and your wife is not.  Obviously, though, acting on these feelings creates issues.  Have you shared this with your counselor?  Things happen.  The goal is not to beat yourself up but rather figure out what's going on in our lives and get the help.  Good for you in reaching out.  You noted the depression has been there for awhile so this is important to address in counseling as well.  Good luck!

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

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Stuart A. Kaplowitz, MFT


how to help relationship. How to address issues within relationship......I am pretty open here


20th year in the field. Managed and directed clinical programs. Now, I work out of my own office as well as supervise counselors

California Association of Marriage & Family Therapists

The California Therapist

B.A. Psychology M.S. Counseling Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

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Hero of the Heart - Covina Valley USD

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I work with individuals, couples, families and children

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