How to Strengthen Your Relationship/life
Hello, I want to tell you something and hopefully you can help me.
Some background info - I am a 28yo male, married for a couple of years and have been suffering on and off from depression for a good few years. Most of my depression is related to me and my personality. I should try to explain a bit more. I have always been a quiet and shy person. I get on well with pretty much anyone but I dont have any close friends, even among members of my family who I rarely see. I guess at times I feel lonely and would like to be more 'normal' (you probably hate that word but there it is). The situation is probably not helped by my wife working out of the country during the week and only back at weekends. Lately I have tried to be a bit more sociable with my work friends and also my wifes sister and her partner (just together, not married or engaged). I have been to see a counseller to talk about my depression and other issues for a few weeks. This week was a very tough week, I think things just got on top of me a bit too much - being lonely, cold weather, wife away etc.. and a bad week in work. On one of the evenings, my wifes sister came round for a cup of tea and a chat and I guess she could see something wasnt quite right with me and was asking questions. I guess I was at a particularly low point so I blurted out everything about how I had been feeling lately etc... and had a bit of a cry. My wifes sister offered me a hug which is just what i needed. However, as we separated, I kissed her. Im not really too sure what happened next, I think she was just surprised and caught offguard really while I apologised. Im not sure how long she stayed before getting a taxi, might have been 5mins or 30mins, its all a blur. Since then I have thought of nothing else. It's probably not helped by the fact that I find my sister in law very attractive and I think about her quite a bit while masturbating during the week/in shower etc... Ive even fantasised about her wearing her bridesmaid's dress for me. I guess all of this has me more confused than ever!
What do you think about my situation?
It is time to take charge of your own life and happiness. You are playing with fire and the results are that you will not only break up your marriage but will break up a family--the two sisters. You must apologize to your sister-in-law and tell her that it was just a weak moment and that you love your wife and would never do anything to hurt her. Then you must not see her alone again--ever.
Then, you need to start doing some volunteer work of some kind so that you can get your mind on people who are worse off than you are and so you can stop feeling sorry for yourself. I know that depression is real as I suffered with it for years but never do you use that as an excuse to hurt other people, which is what you are doing.
Part of depression comes from not really living the life and purpose you were meant to live; and so you need a complete overhaul of your life. I hope your counseling is helping. My coaching program deals with things like this and there are things you can do to change your focus in life and get out of the depression and start finding fulfillment in living your purpose.
You are a human being. Human beings are made to create. They are not helpless. Animals live on a level where they have to live as programmed. Humans are made to create and to have choice. You are into a fantasy where you think something or someone else will make you happy. You have a brain and can choose to fantasize about your wife just as easily as your sister-in-law. Adultery first starts in your mind and what you are doing is a form of adultery and it will only bring you and others sorrow and then you will have a huge reason to be depressed. You cannot hurt other people like that and not suffer the consequences.
There are all sorts of things you can do with your life. You can develop your talents, read good books that uplift you and feed your brain with good things, do volunteer work, take classes to develop your mind, and through all that you will develop friendships if you help make it happen.
I am hoping that your writing to me is the first step that you really want to live a good life and that you follow my advice. You must have a concience and that is good.
Personality Science Consultant/Life Coach