How to Strengthen Your Relationship/Clingy or taken for granted?

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Question
Hi,I am 21 years old.I and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years and 7 months now. Initially everything was flowery and rosy.He missed me..called me.. cried for me if i was upset with him.Then d "honey moon phase" got over in about 8 months n since then we have had many ups and many many downs but somehow we have stayed together.But lately i just feel he seems distant.When we are together during college we are 18 hours together (I stay in a hostel ) as we are in a boarding college so it is still fine.He makes time for me.Though he misses hanging out with his guy friends like he did before our relationship he hardly ditches me for friends unless its their birthday or something unavoidable. But during each and every semester break (which are of 2 months) when we are away he becomes distant.Calls become rare.He does not seem to get time to call me even once in a day.He says he is talking to family or out all day . If i call him he answers and tell me what all he did,says he loves me but he does not seem to miss me like i miss him and seems distracted. If i don't call then if he is sober (with his family or at home or just generally not buzy ) after 20-24 hours i get a message asking me how i am but if he is on a wild trip (Trip which involves going to a place and just getting drunk all d days with his friends) then even after 30 hours he does not seem to notice my absence or lack of call or message at all..I cant figure out whether to be understanding n let him b happy wit his friends whom he gets to meet only during holidays or demand for time for me.?
I have girlfriends to talk to but after a point like 24 hours it does start to bother me. Just a hi text or a call in the evening is all that i expect .It just shows despite the distance he remembers me.After over 2.5 years together Is that too clingy or Am i being taken for granted ?

Answer
Dear Sherry,

Your boyfriend was tied up with you while he should have been out doing things with the boys and so he hasn't had his time to grow up. He hasn't had his chance to be young with no obligations since you have been together 2 1/2 years all during the time when he should have been free to explore life and be young.

Now, you have gone with him long enough to know what he is really like and the fact is that you care about him more than he cares about you and also he goes out and gets drunk. This is not good husband material because he is not ready to settle down.

In my opinion you need to let him go so he can feel young and able to explore life. A man who loves a woman and is ready for a commitment can't wait to be with her and would only want to be with his friends maybe once a week to do a sport thing or something like that with his buddies.

I am sure he cares but he is not ready for the kind of relationship you want and the more you hold on tight the more he is going to feel like he has lost his youth. I would give him a few months to be free and then see if he might be ready to come back once he has spread his wings a little bit.

In that time he might grow up enough to realize the importance of a good relationship and the kind of love you have for him but of course there is no guarantee. The best thing to do is usually the most difficult thing to do. Since you cannot force him to contact you and miss you like you miss him the only way he might realize how important you are is to really be forced to miss you and know what that is like. With you trying to see him and taking the lead in the relationship he has not had to be lonely and face what it would be like without you.

Perhaps you could tell him that you think he needs some freedom for awhile so he can go out with the guys and be free for awhile to see what it is alike. Tell him that there should not be much contact--maybe once a week texting or talking to him on the phone and that is it.  

Then stick to it and not jump right back into it when he says he misses you and is lonely, because he really needs some time to experience what he thinks he is missing.

Otherwise, he is just going to be a relunctant partner who is not really into the relationship that much and it probably won't get better.

Hope this helps and that he realizes what he had and wants you back with full commitment.

Sharon Crandall
Personality Consultant/Life Coach
www.personalityconsultant.com  

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

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Sharon Crandall

Experience

Over 30 years of working with individuals, families, and businesses. Teaching classes, private coaching--helping design individual life plans,, private personality assessment, group workshops, and training others to become Personality Consultants and Life Coaches.

Education/Credentials
Certified in two year program of Personality Science. Certified in secondary Personality Science program from a different institution. Trained in various workshops for Life Coaching, Self-educated from numerous books and programs, plus private training from Personality Science experts.

Past/Present Clients
Hundreds of people from all walks of life including private individuals, couples, families, and businesses--from homemakers to CEO's Worked with many groups in workshops and classes. Worked with businesses particularly in customer relations/service and sales.

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