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How to Strengthen Your Relationship/Looking for Advice/Clarification

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Question
Hello,

I used to date this girl who I believed was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. She thought so too and we were both in the relationship for the long-haul. After 9 months of dating her, she tells me she does not get that butterfly feeling in her stomach anymore. She has personal family issues and I had my own life. I kept in touch with her for a long time and always offered a shoulder to lean on. To this date, she knows that I have a crush on her and want to be with her, however, how I can invite the butterfly feeling back in her stomach to re-live what we had last year? We are close friends as of today and we are both single. Thanks!

Answer
Hi Dharmesh!

I think it would be difficult for any of us to maintain those butterflies when experiencing familial (or other major) issues.  This may have been overwhelming for her and affected her ability to be in the relationship at that time.  The fact that you have remained close is positive.  I might also wonder if she got in a little over her head, meaning perhaps the idea of the long-haul meant a lot of pressure at that time? Is she open to dating again?  If so, please do not talk about long-term hopes or plans at this point, but rather just be together and enjoy the time in that moment.  This may help with potential pressure and help encourage those wonderful feelings again.  Good luck!  Stuart

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

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Stuart A. Kaplowitz, MFT

Expertise

how to help relationship. How to address issues within relationship......I am pretty open here

Experience

20th year in the field. Managed and directed clinical programs. Now, I work out of my own office as well as supervise counselors

Organizations
California Association of Marriage & Family Therapists

Publications
The California Therapist

Education/Credentials
B.A. Psychology M.S. Counseling Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Awards and Honors
Hero of the Heart - Covina Valley USD

Past/Present Clients
I work with individuals, couples, families and children

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