How to Strengthen Your Relationship/To Stay Broken up or Not To?


My boyfriend and I were together for almost a year. From the beginning, we had the complete support from his family, but not from my side of the family. He had a past with drinking/partying, and they were concerned about it all. I grew up in a very sheltered family, with a father who was non-existent when I turned 8, and who cheated and drank a lot, which was really hard on me and affected my life greatly. He had issues with his birth mom who left him when he was born, not finding out that she was his mom until he was quite a bit older, after "yearly" visits from her. Our relationship was very hard because he's in the army and was stationed 800+ miles away from me, and we only got to see each other a few times. Every second of the time we got in person was absolutely amazing, no arguments or anything. I just went to see him 3 weekends ago, to go to a military ball, and spend a weekend together with him and his mom. Long story short I felt like a princess all weekend, but we ended up getting intimate. It was my first time with anyone, unlike him, so I became very emotional after we said goodbye, and honestly was really clingy that next week. I had been dealing with some depression over his deployment already, so the fact that I was more emotional because of our intimacy was overwhelming for the both of us. He started ignoring my texts and phone calls that week, and being disrespectful because of how clingy I was. I didn't know how to handle it, and blew up on him. He was laughing on the phone when I was trying to discuss things with him, and it hurt badly because of my already raw emotions. Another issue was that I was raised in a strict Christian home, unlike him, and we had some different viewpoints. I wanted a close and personal relationship with God, and he, being in the army, constantly told me it was really hard for him, and that he had no one to go to church with, but that he would be a better leader when we were married. I ended up breaking things off with him about a week and a half ago, but now he is home for the holidays before his deployment in March, and I don't know whether to try to fix things, or if it's even worth it...I just need some advice. Thanks!

Dear Kelci,

Stay broken up with him. He is not mature enough to have the compassion you need. You are feeling guilty because you went against what you believe and he did not understand all your emotions and had no compassion or real caring for you. You don't want someone who cannot have understanding and caring for you.

Relationships do not work when they are long distance anyway because in order to really know a person and to have the real person come out takes lots of time doing things together. That line of saying he will be different after marriage is not true. People are who they are under all circumstances and you need someone who is true to God under all circumstances and there are men who are like that and will do that.

Wait until you can meet someone with whom you can date so you can see how he treats you, how he treats his family and others, how his values really are, and what his dreams and goals are so that you can see if you are compatible and also see if he will make a good husband and father. If you were married and your husband had to go overseas you want someone in whom you can be confident that he would stay spiritual no matter what. Make sure he is the man you want forever and has given you a lifetime committment before you have sex with him. That is why God told us to wait until marriage--for the love and protection of the woman and for children who might come because of it.

I do hope this helps. I don't think he is the right person for you.

Bless you,

Sharon  Crandall
Personality Consultant/Life Coach  

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Sharon Crandall


Over 30 years of working with individuals, families, and businesses. Teaching classes, private coaching--helping design individual life plans,, private personality assessment, group workshops, and training others to become Personality Consultants and Life Coaches.

Certified in two year program of Personality Science. Certified in secondary Personality Science program from a different institution. Trained in various workshops for Life Coaching, Self-educated from numerous books and programs, plus private training from Personality Science experts.

Past/Present Clients
Hundreds of people from all walks of life including private individuals, couples, families, and businesses--from homemakers to CEO's Worked with many groups in workshops and classes. Worked with businesses particularly in customer relations/service and sales.

©2016 All rights reserved.