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How to Strengthen Your Relationship/Three years later I found out he cheated


A few days ago me and my boyfriend were having shots. He had a lot of alcohol in his system and we were playing a question game, like have you ever. He began to tell me after a while into the questions that he had slept with our coworker when we were dating, a month into out relationship.
There had also been other problems with this female coworker of ours. I had found out they had gone to the movies together with a few other people and a other coworker  of ours ended up telling me he had his hand on her leg the whole movie. There had also been incidents in the work place when we would all work together she would openly hit on him and even slap his ass. I told him it had to stop. He said there wasnít much he could do; But after the movie incident we had serious talk he could no longer hangout or text this girl, or we were over, he agreed.
The coworker that told me about the movie outing also told me they, her the girl and him had also gone to parties together and they would hang out and talk and they would disappear for moments of time together.
Needless to say she just gave me a leery feeling of my boyfriend. So when he admitted he had slept with this girl which was known as a home wrecker around the work place as well. I was disgusted. He told me that he couldnít remember the time frame of when it happened and that he was very high and drunk, but that it might of been after the movie incident when I had said no more. He had gone over to her apartment to watch a movie he said they watched the movie and then had sex.
When I asked him why because we hadnít had a fight he literally replied because there was nothing better to do. We are now about three years into our relationship. As for our relationship its been very loving we donít fight a lot and we take care of each other. Iím here because I literally donít know what to do. I truly need real advice. Should I throw away three years of a realtionship when everything was going fine?

Dear Lorsa,
I can't tell you what you can live with, but I can tell you this.  Very few adults are virgins now in our society.  Most folks have a past.  My suggestion is this.  Draw a line in the sand in time for what you can live with and then make your decision.  If all this happened before the two of you were "officially a couple" then that's part of his past before you, even if he knew you from work or just beginning your dating.  If it's something that is always going to bother you, and make you feel that it's just not going to be right, then you have to determine that.  I'd say if you've had three great years and that incident was early, before you were seriously a couple, then just move forward and leave the other woman in the past.  Three good years is nothing to dismiss, if he's been true and faithful.  Playing the field before dating becomes exclusive and serious is not unheard of, unethical, or necessarily makes one unfaithful.  I ruined a good relationship over the guy's past and I have had moments of regrets even years later.
I wish you well as you make your decision.
Kind Regards,
KD Liz

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

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Kindred Beisinger penname K D Elizabeth Beisinger


I am able to answer questions regarding dating, courtship, and marriage after divorce. I feel equipped to address questions and comments regarding old baggage and past mistakes. I can also answer questions pertaining to blended families and step-children. I can not answer questions that involve manipulating the partners behavior or outlook.


I am a minister that teaches and counsels G-d's instruction for stable relationships. My husband and I have both been married before. I have worked with battered women and facilitated groups for men with anger issues. As a minister, I have officiated several weddings in the past decade, with only one resulting in divorce.

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