How to Strengthen Your Relationship/Wary of my pretty friend

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Question
Leon,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. We have a great relationship and we rarely ever argue. The few bumps we've had have been due to my insecurities about my lack of my experience in sex and relationships. We are both 24, and he is my first boyfriend, and before him, I had only had sex once. He, on the other hand, was a partier before we met, had quite a few hookups, and has had a much more adventurous sexual life than me.

I also have a friend, who everyone agrees is very attractive and could be a Maybelline model or a Ms. Universe. She is not my closest friend, but is one that I do trust; she's a sweet girl and overall a good person. My mom is a suspicious lady (my father cheated on her and her previous marriage before my dad also did not end well). As soon as I met my friend, she told me that I should not let future boyfriends/guys that I like meet her because of her looks.

After I met my boyfriend, she kept cautioning me not to let my friend and my boyfriend meet. I thought she was overreacting and thought that since they are my friend and boyfriend they would of course meet each other sometime. I also thought "Hey, of course there are going to be more attractive girls than me in this world....I can't keep him from meeting them." My mom, however, says this is different because she is a friend of mine.

Eventually they did meet, and I noticed him acting more enthusiastically towards her than my other friends. She has moved, so I don't get to see her as often, but whenever she is in town, my boyfriend says "Hey, we should get drinks with her tonight," and then mentions this a couple more times throughout the night. The next day when we still haven't met up with her, he asks "Is she still in town? We could still meet up with her." I don't know whether to take this as he wants me to hang out with my friend because I rarely see her and because I don't have many close friends to begin with, or because he just wants to stare at her all night.

I don't necessarily believe that anything will happen between the two of them for various reasons: we see her maybe once every few months, I trust her and she's a good person, and I like to think that my boyfriend has gotten past his party phase and that he wouldn't cheat on me. But I'm still insecure. I hate having to avoid hanging out with my friend just so that they won't see each other, but I guess I"m still a bit wary.

I have two questions in the end:
1. Any tips how I can not feel so insecure?
2. I know you can't speak for the male population, but how would you, Leon, personally feel if your girlfriend had a very attractive friend? Would you want to hang out with her friend more?

Thank you,
Kim

Answer
Hello Kim,

You can't control other people, but you and your friend have a special bond. Why not confront her about it? Tell her that your guy seems to be happy to see her, that you don't think he'd ever try to make a move on her, but if he did you know she would tell you. In making that kind of a statement, you are telling her that you trust her and wouldn't let anything happen if he did make a move.

But, the thing is, there's a good chance that he's just attracted to her. It's natural. Men notice attractive women (as do women notice attractive men). The way attraction works is that beauty draws us and often creates a feeling of wanting to be with the person. We want them to be likable because of their looks. That gives them an upper hand in life. So, your guy may be looking forward to see her because he's consciously aware of her beauty. But, also he may be unaware that his attraction is due to her beauty.

To answer your question, if my girlfriend had a gorgeous friend, I would absolutely enjoy the view, but I would be very aware of the impression that could create, so I probably would NOT be asking her to meet up with her over and over. But that's just me. He may not even be aware of the insecurity he's feeding.

How do you get over the insecurity? The more time you are with him and the more opportunities he has to cheat on you and does not, that will allow you to realize that he can be attracted to other women, but be committed to you. give him the opportunity to prove it to you.

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