How to Strengthen Your Relationship/frustration


My fiance and I are always getting into arguments over little things, and its killing the romance and libido, and im pretty tired of it. From my perspective she wants this perfect behavior from me, but she does the same things she gets upset at me about, and its so frustrating because when i call her out on it, it then becomes not a big deal. its almost like we cant ever seem to get along for a long period of time. i try to be peaceful as possible but as soon as she starts with me it gets me so upset.

for example, if i go out and i dont let her know i made it home with a text or call she flips out, im every name in the book. but she went out of town, and didnt let me know she made it in one night, i told her about herself. then she did it again the next night AGAIN. her logic was she didnt want to wake me up... But if that was me, its ww3. and the thing is im very laid back, i dont nitpick, but i have become the opposite of that because she does it to me so much. and the only way she understands is by me doing it to her back! i feel like i have to walk on eggshells around her in my own place, like everything has to be perfect all the time and i shouldnt feel that way.

i have talked to her about this, but it never seems to change. and its so frustrating because our interactions have become like this and i dont understand it. i came home yesterday, i washed my hands in the sink, and a small amount of water splashed on the mirror, she says i just cleaned that mirror and you splash water on it? i was like im sorry? she says you are gonna clean that up?

now i wanted to say you leave fingerprints all over the black glass table and never clean it, i asked her to clean it sometimes because she studies there, she tells me she cant clean it as good as i can so she doesnt...see those are the types of frustrating behaviors that drive me insane!

sorry for rambling, please give feed back when you can.

Dear Antonio,
You are at a definite crossroads here and you are going to have to really give great consideration to your next step, regardless of the direction.  You know I can not tell you what the right answer is for you, but I can lay out a couple of ideas to help you determine your choice and path.

First, if you are engaged, you must give this great consideration.  Are you prepared to live this way the rest of your life?  If the answer is no, are you willing to make all the changes she requires while living with her excuse to change nothing?  If the answer is still no, are you willing to walk on egg shells to get along in a marriage?  

If all three answers are no, then your next consideration is, are you ready to break up?  
I'd like you to notice that all my questions are coming from a negative perspective.  I'm not telling you to break up, but home and marriage should have a level of comfort.  To be honest, I have never heard of a woman telling a man to clean up the mirror in the bathroom, after washing his hands.  Usually we women have to ask that the bathroom towel not be used as an oil rag.  And would the gentleman please wash his hands before wiping them on towels.  And please don't dry your hands on the curtains.  Those are usual requests for "man behavior" when hand washing is the issue.

Antonio, it's not my life and certainly not my decision, but I wouldn't willingly choose to live on eggshells.  Before you set the date, make sure this is where you want to be 5 years from now.

I wish you well.
Kind Regards,
KD Liz

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

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Kindred Beisinger penname K D Elizabeth Beisinger


I am able to answer questions regarding dating, courtship, and marriage after divorce. I feel equipped to address questions and comments regarding old baggage and past mistakes. I can also answer questions pertaining to blended families and step-children. I can not answer questions that involve manipulating the partners behavior or outlook.


I am a minister that teaches and counsels G-d's instruction for stable relationships. My husband and I have both been married before. I have worked with battered women and facilitated groups for men with anger issues. As a minister, I have officiated several weddings in the past decade, with only one resulting in divorce.

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