How to Strengthen Your Relationship/Is he worth the trouble :/

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Question
I need help deciding on what to do regarding my love life. I have waited a long time for a decent guy to come along. I have learned a lot about myself over the years enabling myself to reflect. I have grown within substantially within over the 2012 year. I now understand how my past experiences and upbringing have affected not only my judgment but they have also placed barriers on my potential for happiness.
There are a couple of men that have come into my life that have made an impact on me and love them dearly. I am curious to know which one of them is Mr. Right.
For some time I have been focused on my education and career solely. Now I am open to settling down and starting a family. I do not want to make a choice that I will regret later. Every single guy has baggage. My upbringing, customs, and morals make it almost impossible to be decisive about whom to choose.
The one guy I am mostly interested in and care about dearly for is 28 as I am. He falls along the lines of a mamaís boy type. He got himself involved with an older woman some years ago and doesnít know how to let go. He feels bad for her because he basically supports her and her kids financially. He feels if he leaves her she will become homeless.
I feel we would be perfect together. I feel like if I want anything to change I have to be the one and do something. I feel I am one hell of a catch to be playing second fiddle to a grandma! Yes she is in her 50ís! There is this invisible pressure for sex coming from his end. Sadly, I feel that is what it is going to come down to prove my love or whatever it is he seeks in me. He isnít really communicative nor good with words. To me my virginity is scared which I am now ready and want him to be my first. I donít know how if I am not first in his romantic life?

Answer
Dear Ann,

The question is why do you think you would be perfect together? What are you looking at? What are you lookiing for? If he is a mama's boy type, how does that fit in with your personality? Are you afraid of someone equal in power with you? Do you like to take charge?  Will that always be okay with you? Do not make the mistake of thinking that "if only" then he would be perfect. Or thinking that if he could just be strong enough to leave this woman he would make a perfect mate for you.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life being the one who makes changes, solves problems, feels the responsibility of keeping the relationship together by yourself, carrying most of the load of life by yourself?

Too often, strong women, tend to attract weaker men who think they will be more powerful by association, and because strong women are often strong nurturers. The problem is that after marriage they feel like they have no place to rest when lacking someone to really share the load with. The women tend to take a mother role in the relationship which is very tiring.

The problem is that this guy is not available emotionally. He is emotionally involved elsewhere so how can you fight that? Forget the pressure to have sex. He would like to have everything without taking his share of responsibility of the relationship and being fully committed. You sure don't want to get involved in that without him being able to let go of the other woman.

He sounds too weak for your personality. Do not make the mistake of making excuses for others. People do exactly what they want to do, in spite of what they say. He is not helpless--he is choosing to stay involved with this woman, for whatever reason.

You might be interested in one of my Five Dollar Advice Capsules. "Why strong women tend to attract weak men and how to avoid that trap." If you email me through my website and are interested, I can bill you through paypal. This could be very helpful to you in choosing a mate.

I do hope this is helpful in your choice.


Sharon Crandall
Personality Consultant/Life Coach
www.personalityconsultant.com  

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

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Sharon Crandall

Experience

Over 30 years of working with individuals, families, and businesses. Teaching classes, private coaching--helping design individual life plans,, private personality assessment, group workshops, and training others to become Personality Consultants and Life Coaches.

Education/Credentials
Certified in two year program of Personality Science. Certified in secondary Personality Science program from a different institution. Trained in various workshops for Life Coaching, Self-educated from numerous books and programs, plus private training from Personality Science experts.

Past/Present Clients
Hundreds of people from all walks of life including private individuals, couples, families, and businesses--from homemakers to CEO's Worked with many groups in workshops and classes. Worked with businesses particularly in customer relations/service and sales.

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