How to Strengthen Your Relationship/Should I forgive

Advertisement


Question
I know that it is wrong to hack into someone's email, but I HAD TO. Doing it makes me feel secured that he's not cheating on me and he still loves me. Two days ago, I found out that he's been spamming and flirting with girls online and making plans on meeting up with them. I'm sure he hasn't gotten the chance to to do because he's with me most of the days after work. I looked back at the messages he's been sending, and it shocked me that he's been doing it for a month, including the day before I found out. What shocked me even more was that he talked to them while I was there with him. He reasoned that because of his fat fetish, he couldn't express himself when he's having sex with me because it disgusts me. I can't be open to that because being fat is my greatest fear.

He promised me he will delete everything and won't do it again, and I agreed as long as he gives me the password for everything, which he did not do except for his Facebook password. I feel paranoid and I don't know if I can trust him anymore. He called me a crazy paranoid nut for being outrageous. I just want to know if he's worth dating even though he has a fat fetish. I will not become fat for him, the the worst thing a person could do to their body unwillingly. And should I forgive him for flirting with women online? Is that considered cheating?

Answer
Hi Missy,

Forgiving is for you, not him.  Forgiving allows you to move on in any direction you choose with out the extra baggage.

You say he has a fat fetish?  Really turned on by heavy women?  Then he should go find a woman that is more to his liking.  And you should find a man that is truly attracted to you.

Simple advice I know, but sooner or later he just might meet and them more with one or more of these "fantasy" women he is talking to on line.  And if he is that attracted to them he will not give up on that fantasy.

And, absolutely not, do not change your body for him.

Good luck,

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Tom Blair

Expertise

Published author. Questions related to strengthening and saving relationships and marriages. Sex coaching questions. Questions related to mature singles re-entering the dating world after a death of a spouse or a divorce.

Experience

Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

Education/Credentials
Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.