How to Strengthen Your Relationship/Save it or Break it?

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Question
Hello,

I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is 24. I have been with him for about 2 years and used to live with him. I met my boyfriend through mutu, paal friends. Before we started dating we were good friends, we hung out, partied, etc. At the time he was going through a break up with his two children's mother. I semi knew the history of him and his children's mother. We then started dating and it was like love at first sight, we got along so well! We had an instant connection and felt like it was my long lost I love, he also feels the same. I fell head over heels for him and moved in too early with him. He never said anything to me about it at the time. After a while I started realizing that he was lying a lot and flirting with multiple girls. We talked about it and moved on.  We would still get along very very well but the fights were getting out of control. These fights consisted of physical, verbal, and emotional abuse, he would also break my personal items. Me being young and stupid I forgave him for this and again moved on, thinking it won't ever happen again. I was wrong. Now I don't fully blame him for all of it because I would sometimes trigger the fights but would never abuse him like he did to me. Over the months there was less fights and less abuse and more love. When were not fighting our connection is amazing! He then gave me a promise ring for christmas which was a a very special gift. Around this time everything was good people were jealous of our relationship he was the most caring and loving person there was no abuse in our fights anymore. I believed and trusted him. But then the lying started again there was more verbal abuse, lots of it! But at the end we would solve our problems and keep it moving. Over this year and a half time span I could see his love he has for me other than the fights that I still question about. He has done so much for me its unbelieveable I truly love him to death. But recently I've noticed that he has been cheating on me and I have been the one who has become very violent. I moved out about a week ago and called it quits he was torn apart and apologized and has showered me with gifts. He and I agreed on taking things slow and trying to work things out. It has been going okay but here and there he will call me a name and try to put his hands on me. So my question for you is should I even keep trying or call it quits for good? I truly love him and I know he loves me! The only problem is his anger problems and his abuse.  I know he has gone through a very very rought time with his children's mother so I see where the anger and hurt comes from and see it as just picking up the pieces and making him into a happy lovable man and just giving him the family and wife he's always wanted.  Thank you so much in advance!

Answer
Hi Laura,

Break it off.    This is the classic abusive relationship.  It is a cycle that will not end unless he gets extensive therapy.  He will be abusive, then apologize and promise never to do it again.  You will forgive and until some new trigger comes along it will be OK.  But there will always be another trigger.

This is in every way a toxic relationship.   Move on.

Good luck,

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

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Tom Blair

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Published author. Questions related to strengthening and saving relationships and marriages. Sex coaching questions. Questions related to mature singles re-entering the dating world after a death of a spouse or a divorce.

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Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

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Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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