How to Strengthen Your Relationship/So confused


Me and one of my closest guy friends have been knowning each other for about a year now, and we have been friends with benefits for as long as I can remember, (and no he's not using me and I'm not using him because we put our friendship first over everything... we have strong trust, feel comfortable to be 100% ourselves around each other, and tell/do things we wouldn't do in front of most othr ppl) he's sometimes an a-hole/acts like he dislikes me/acts like ad***but that's just his personality. But currently he's talking to this girl he got with about a month back and I don't think she's good for him,(She doesn't know what we do/talk about etc) Even his parents agree to that and think me nd him would be perfect for each other along with most people at our school. But he gets uncomfortable and acts like he doesn't want that to happen. The topic was brought up a few times about taking what we have to the next step, but the answers he keeps giving are in a nutshell him basically questioning himself if he made the right choice. And the thing is, he told me he's not even sure if he likes her, he's just dating her because shes cool. I'm really trying to understand his true feelings for me at this point but its just so confusing at times, please help :/

Hi Jennifer,

I certainly understand your confusion.  After all he does not seem to know his own feelings.  One of the big problems with friends with benefits is that it can become a comfortable relationship.  So much so that the friendship part of it gets lost.   The parts of this kind of relationship that need constant attention are the "friendship" and the respect.   When you talk with him talk about those two aspects.  If you want to get his romantic attention, then show him(don't tell him) that you care.  You do that by demonstrating affection.  You do that with gentle touches and warm words. When you meet you say hello in a soft loving tone.  Not a "wassup".  Make lots of close up eye contact the lingers.  When you are talking and everything is good and there seems to be a connection gently touch him on the arm.  The same place on the arm every time.  Lastly, if you have a necklace or charm, something like a heart, especially if he gave it to you, every time you use the word "love" in conversation, touch it.  When you love a song, play with it.  When you love ice cream, play with it.  Even if you are not wearing it, and you say "don't you just love..." touch that same place near your heart.  It may sound corny, but do that for a few months and he will be in love with you.

Powerful stuff so use it wisely.

Good luck,

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

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Tom Blair


Published author. Questions related to strengthening and saving relationships and marriages. Sex coaching questions. Questions related to mature singles re-entering the dating world after a death of a spouse or a divorce.


Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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