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How to Strengthen Your Relationship/How to Strengthen Your Relationship

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Before I can ask a question I have to explain my situation first. So me and my fiancée have been together for 2 years and we have a son together and he has a daughter right before we started getting serious. So going thru the whole baby mama drama I let him know we can work thru this cuz we love each other soo much but like all relationships their are arguments and with him getting this girl pregnant it just kinda sat with me funny so I started going thru his phone emails everything yo make sure nothing like this will happen again and on top of that I find messages of him talking to different girls but his excuse to it all is he only wrote those messages because he knew o was going to overreact like that. Now that he has deployed and I gave birth to his son things been a lil weird he hasnt been calling or messaging me like he has so I asked him what's going on and he tells me that his love for me has changed its not as strong as before and he doesn't want to hurt me but he don't answer my questions when I ask is there someone else or how make or fix our connection I feel like his daughter mom is trying to break me and him up cuz they had a fling before me and she is obsessed with him and he had love for her but not to be n a relationship with her and that's what he told me. So I want to know how can I try to put n effort or show him I'm here for him and I haven't changed what do I need or should do?

Answer
Hello Tina,

clarify some things for me, please. Were you dating when he got this other woman pregnant? How long was he spending time with this other woman? Was it a fling or a relationship? And, how did it end? Was there a break up or was it never really a relationship? How much time between her and you?

It's obvious you don't trust him because you are afraid that he might get another woman pregnant. You said his reason for writing those other women was to get a reaction out of you. Is that correct? If so, that's a pretty weak excuse. Is he saying he knew you'd snoop in his email account? If so, he either knows you incredibly well, is a mind reader, or is a very bad liar.

If he's not telling you if there is someone else or not, 10 to 1, there's someone else.

To answer your question, you already have put out effort and shown him you are there for him. There's nothing you can do at this point. He's making decisions and the ball is in his court, but although he's the father of your child, he doesn't exactly sound like he's ready to settle down. I know that's tough for you, but he's gotten two women pregnant and hasn't committed to either one. He claims to be your fiance, but says his love for you has changed. He's emailing other women to get a reaction from you.

Look, right now your biggest priority is your child. You can't control what he's doing, especially if he's deployed. Focus on your baby and don't play his games. Give him a chance, and if he's not mature enough to settle down and be in a relationship and be a father, then do what you know is right for your child. Focus on your little guy and start moving forward.

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