How to Strengthen Your Relationship/Help..!


QUESTION: I'm in a relationship right now and I feel happy but I get confused about whether I love him or not. How do I get rid of this confusion and enhance the love? I miss the heart racing Everytime I think of him and the blushing when I hear his name...

If this helps any, I've been cheated on in a lot of relationships and I've been abused before in relationships..I had a moment where I did cheat on someone and I had a problem with lying but I have coped and recovered from that. Now I'm dealing with depression and confusion on whethere I love him or not...I tend to over think things and so I try to stop asking myself if I love him or not. Please help me..if anything, I want this relationship to work out. He's the only man I could ever see myself with in the future..(marrying, having kids..)

ANSWER: Hello Hayley,

I tend to believe that if you are not sure, than it's probably not love...yet. I know that when I was dating at some point I almost settled for someone because I assumed that, this is probably what love feels like. Instead, though, I didn't settle fully, and the next person I dated, it was like a shot in the gut. I knew! That was love. To me, if I had settled for the one before, I would never have known true love. Looking back I realize, if I had to ask, it wasn't love.

Take a look at this piece that explains how  our definition of love changes as we have different experiences (

Also, due to your past, you may have walls up to protect you from being hurt again. But, I believe that when your heart finds the right guy, your defenses will be lowered and you will know love.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you so much. I've actually been working on myself and my depression and I figured out that the reason I feel this way was because I over think things and don't relax my mind and let the feelings settle in. I know it's true love, I swear it. But how do I enhance this love? How can I strengthen this love so that confusion won't come back?

Hello again, Hayley,

You need to give it time. Don't think so much about it, and try to enjoy what you have. If you don't feel  love, if it's not obvious, you can't force it. If it is true love as you say, I can help you bring excitement, passion and romance, but I can't make you clear about if it's love or not. You have to discover that on your own.

Do you two need to bring back passion and excitement and romance? If so, I'll be glad to advise in that arena.

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