How to Strengthen Your Relationship/fool in love

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Question
Myself and a woman friend have become very close. She is married but not very happily. He is a very mentelly controlling person. He makes her feel that everything is her fault. She is a great mom who does absoluetly everything around the house and for the kids and him. In our time texting and talking I have become very much in love with this woman. I want her to be happy and want very much to have this chance.My every thought is of concern for her and how she is. I have told her my feelings. I've tried to make her realize that she is a great person and deserves better then what she is recieving. I know I may not be the answer but have expressed the desire to try. Everything that she says in reply seems that if it were not for the situation she was in she would like this also. It just seems that he has such a mentel hold on her. Sadly almost a slave. Yet we talk all the time. We are thier for each other for both good and bad stuff. Wierd as it sounds it's like the best relationship I've ever been in. The problem is that it's hard for me to be the great guy she says i am but not be able to be with her. I'm not talking about sex. It's not like that at all. I really just want to be able to hold her hug her and give her a kiss. I've concidered telling her all or nothing in hopes to turn her but I'm afraid of the nothing. I've tried to tell myself to just accept what this is and just be great friends. But I've fallen to deep and don't know how to back out. I've never become best friend with a woman even in my past marriage. I just feel that if we had the chance this could be something amazing. I just don't know what do do. Do I fight hard to back off hopeing that she misses me and comes around. But take the chance that I lose her. Or do I just keep doing what I have been doing and hope that I finally make her realize she would be better off away from him. Of course that meean I have to continue hurting.

Answer
Dear Tim,

The problem is that people do what they want to do. She stays there because she wants to for some reason. People say they want to leave or to do this or that but the truth is that she wants to stay there more than she wants to go.

The problem is that if she did leave you would be in a relationship where you are trying to fix her and believe me, that gets old very quickly. A person wants a healthy partner who can give as much as they take so that both needs are met.

The other problem it is still a fantasy relationship. Until you really date someone and go all kinds of places with them and be with them with other people, you really do not know them. Right now when you are together there are no real responsibilities or problems that come with children and real day to day life--so it makes it seem so wonderful.

There are several reasons why you should let her go. The first thing is that she is married to someone else. The second thing is that if she is going to stay or go, she needs to be able to make that decision on her own so that she knows in her heart it is the right decision and not feel pressured to do something she might later regret.

The third thing is that you should value yourself enough to go for someone who is available to love you as you would love her.

The fourth thing is that Marriages almost never last when one person leaves a marriage in order to marry. If a marriage isn't right then a person should have courage to either make it right or leave. Then a new relationship can form without guilt hanging over your head. Especially if there are children involved.

So, every person knows inside what they should do so follow your gut feelings. That is hard to do when you really care about a person but it important to feel right inside with any decision. If her husband is truly abusive then she should seek counseling to know what to do, independent of your feelings for her.

So, you may want to back off some, or back off entirely, or hang in there. But weigh things carefully, as she may be taking on a lot more problems than you think and end up very unhappy with her if she does leave.

That is all I can advise under the circumstances. When it comes to being involved with someone who is married, I must have a lot of facts that you cannot give me, in order to give any different advise than I have given.

I hope things work out for the best.
Sharon  

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

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Sharon Crandall

Experience

Over 30 years of working with individuals, families, and businesses. Teaching classes, private coaching--helping design individual life plans,, private personality assessment, group workshops, and training others to become Personality Consultants and Life Coaches.

Education/Credentials
Certified in two year program of Personality Science. Certified in secondary Personality Science program from a different institution. Trained in various workshops for Life Coaching, Self-educated from numerous books and programs, plus private training from Personality Science experts.

Past/Present Clients
Hundreds of people from all walks of life including private individuals, couples, families, and businesses--from homemakers to CEO's Worked with many groups in workshops and classes. Worked with businesses particularly in customer relations/service and sales.

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