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How to Strengthen Your Relationship/How can I get my boyfriend and best friend coexist?


I have been dating my boyfriend "John" exclusively for six months now.  While I know no one is perfect him and I are really a great match and I love him very much. The problem is I have a male best friend "tom" whom I've been  best friends with for several years. When I first started dating John I told him all about Tom. He was uncomfortable with it as have been my past boyfriends.  I tried to make him feel comfortable by inviting Tom out to dinner or for drinks with us.  I was hoping John would get to know him and see there was nothing to worry about. That backfired as John felt that me and Tom had a connection and that are personalities were such a match "that we belonged together".  I assured him again that Tom and I have never dated, never had any relations what so ever.  Nor have we ever even talked about it. I do understand where Johnis coming from as Tom and I  do things such as go to the city for the day, go out to dinner etc and that can be misinterpreted as "dates" but that was just always the relationship Tom and I had.  It has now come to the point where John is extremely jealous of my relationship with Tom and though he hasn't given any ultimatums he feels that my relationship with Tom is a betrayal to him. I feel torn as neither one of them now like the other. Both are very important to me and I love them both but in different ways.  I would never cheat on my boyfriend.  I don't want to lose either man from my life.  How can I make them see this?

Hi Rachel!  Before I get too deep into this, let me ask if Tom has ever spoken one-on-one with your boyfriend?  It does concern me that boyfriend is this jealous and yet I can imagine his concern.  Where does this fear/jealousy come from within us.  Many times, it stems from the past (seeing our parents cheat, friends, having it happen to us) as well as our own self doubt.  What do you know about these potential things in boyfriend's past?

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

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Stuart A. Kaplowitz, MFT


how to help relationship. How to address issues within relationship......I am pretty open here


20th year in the field. Managed and directed clinical programs. Now, I work out of my own office as well as supervise counselors

California Association of Marriage & Family Therapists

The California Therapist

B.A. Psychology M.S. Counseling Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

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Hero of the Heart - Covina Valley USD

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I work with individuals, couples, families and children

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