How to Strengthen Your Relationship/past issues.


My boyfriend and i have been together for almost 5 years. We are eachothers firsts and are both 23 years old. A couple years back he dumped me to pursue other women. the first time lasted a week or so, and it was a girl in his class. Because it was my first breakup it killed me. The girl wasnt ignorant to the situation and even tried talkingbadly about me to get him to move on. I threw up for a week straight and it triggered anxiety problems. (they run in my family so it was bound to get triggered somehow)

The second one was a mutual friend of ours. he accused me of being catty and ended up lying directly to my face. The girl was no better. She claimed to be a friend but she didnt tell me anything about him flirting and pursuing. She acted clueless when sh*t hit the fan.
we have gotten back together since i am a believer in fixing something if you are able to and it has definitely proven to be worth my time.

My problem isnt within my relationship, we have made it leaps and bounds past this, i trust him and he has yet to lie to me since we got back together. He really has proved himself. My problem is dealing with the hatred i have towards these other girls.

I feel like its consuming me. I never used to be a hateful person but now, its terrible. If i knew something bad were going to happen to either i would just grab a chair and sit and enjoy. This doesnt happen as frequently as it used to but its enough to preturb me. It happens with other people who have wronged me as well but mainly these two girls. I even find myself wishing that something terrible would happen to them. I hate this. What do i do? i feel like when i got back together i controlled myself since things were rocky but now i only indulge this hatred by thinking horrible things. (never shown around him of course)

Please help me. I dont want to lose myself to something as ugly as hatred.

Dear Courtney,
Your question has really stumped me.  When I first read it, I knew I needed to give it some thought.  Absolutely nothing came to me, to offer you, but I am truly going to give you something to at least consider.
If you are happy in the relationship and truly believe the two of you are good together and you've forgiven him, then it's time to simply move them out of your mind.  I don't know when you think of these women and your animosity toward them, but this will rob you of your happiness.  My suggestion is to make a point of thinking of something else when they invade your brain space.  Hatred will eat you alive and never faze them.  Unforgiveness truly will cause health issues.
If you can forgive your boyfriend, he was half of the problem, you know, you cannot dump 100% of the bad feelings on them, and that may be what you are doing, subconsciously.  
You are in a good place now, you say.  You don't have to be around them and you sure don't have to try to get along with them, so seriously consider changing your thinking.  I'm a spiritual woman and when I am overwhelmed with negative emotions, I pray.  I highly recommend it.  And I find something to make my mind busy.  We have so much mindless activity that just goes through the motions or even things that entertain negative thoughts, like Lifetime Movies, etc.  Find something to do that requires thinking and concentration, and literally push those girls out of your mind.  They are living there rent free and you have better uses for your brain than that.  
Change the way you let your mind wander and you'll get past this.
I wish you well.
Kind Regards,
KD Liz

How to Strengthen Your Relationship

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Kindred Beisinger penname K D Elizabeth Beisinger


I am able to answer questions regarding dating, courtship, and marriage after divorce. I feel equipped to address questions and comments regarding old baggage and past mistakes. I can also answer questions pertaining to blended families and step-children. I can not answer questions that involve manipulating the partners behavior or outlook.


I am a minister that teaches and counsels G-d's instruction for stable relationships. My husband and I have both been married before. I have worked with battered women and facilitated groups for men with anger issues. As a minister, I have officiated several weddings in the past decade, with only one resulting in divorce.

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