How to Strengthen Your Relationship/Relationship advice

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We've been dating for 9 months, but we started having problems because of my attitude and the things he was doing? We want a child together, he tells me that he love me and nothing will change that? My past relationships have been for like a year or two but i thought since he was older things would be different! I want to be with this dude and he says he want to be with me, he just need to get his self together! We really started having problems when he told me that he had been sexually active with his neighbor &&'d he still talks to her but he says its because of the benefits, like she pays his bills and stuff like that, he says they're not sexually active anymore and she wants him, she's doing everything in her power to win him over, i'm lost and confused because he tell me he dont want her like that he's just using her until he can get on his feet, so could you help me out??

Answer
Hello Titanna,

You say that you are having problems because of your attitude and the things he's been doing. I see what he's been doing, but tell me about your attitude. Is it in response to what's he's been doing or is it something else?

As far as what he's been doing, look, you need to put on the brakes and pull his thing into reverse. You're talking about having a kid with this guy, but you are no where close to being ready to being parents yet. It's great that he says he loves you, but his actions don't seem to match his words.

So, was he sexually active with his neighbor while you two were dating? Even if that happened before you were a couple, he needs to respect this relationship with you enough to keep his distance from her, especially since she's trying to get him back.

And, all that "she pays my bills" stuff is just excuses.  He's a grown man! Instead of using a neighbor he had sex with to pay his bills, he might want to consider finding work to pay his way. I know times are hard, but if you really are as important to him as he says, he'd find another way: get an additional job, sell some junk on Craigslist, reduce his cable from 500 channels to 200. I don't know, but there are other ways to pay your bills than to hang out with an ex who wants you back.

Other than his finances, what other stuff does he need to get together? Has he ever had a long-term committed relationship before. Do you know if he ever cheated on a past girl? And, you say your relationship have lasted a year or two. Have you always gone after older guys?

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