How to Strengthen Your Relationship/My relationship
QUESTION: Me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year no, and I can honestly say that he is my first love. However lately it doesn't feel that way anymore. He recently took on two full time jobs. From 7:30 am- 2:30 PM he works in an auto shop all the way downtown, and then it's a half hour drive back home, giving him 15 minutes to get ready to drive 15 minutes to work, which starts at 4:00 PM-12:30 am. This really doesn't leave anytime for me, but no matter what I can't bring myself to end it. I honestly don't think I want to end it, however I have no idea what to do to strengthen out relationship again. Any suggestions? I could really use the help.
ANSWER: Hello Emily,
I'd like to know a few things first. Do you two live together? Why is he now working two jobs? Is this temporary to pay off a debt or does he plan to go like this for awhile? Has he expressed how he feels about all this work and less time for you since this has started? Have you told him how this makes you feel? Let me know. Thanks.
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QUESTION: No, we are not living together. Originally he started working two jobs, so that he could pay off school. He has told me that he hates it and doesn't know what to do. However he says he loves me.
Hello again, Emily,
So, it sounds like he's in the same boat as you. He's not happy having to work so much and be away from time with you. That's good, but now it's almost like you are in a long-distance relationship (LDR) because you have so little time together (http://couplescommittedtolove.com/a/reports/long-distance-relationships/
). Can he cut back and pay off his loans later? How much longer at this rate until his loans are paid off?
I wonder if you two ever schedule time together on his time off. I am sure he must be beat, but when couples are in LDRs, they have to focus on quality of time, not quantity. So, now that you don't get many hours together, the time you do share needs to be quality time. That doesn't mean you have to go out and hit a bed and breakfast, go to a concert, eat at fancy restaurants on his days off. He will need some down time to himself, but it sounds as though he would probably appreciate time with you, also.
So, find out when he might have time off. Try to schedule SOME of that time with him, and ask what he would like to do. I know you are missing him, but you need to remember that he's not only missing you, but he's working nearly 16 hours a day on top of that. So, while he's trying to pay his debt, you need to be a bit flexible with what he wants to do with his time off.
And, while you can't be with him, send him texts. Write him cards and stick them in the mail. Make him a dinner and leave it for him when he comes home to change. Just do the little things for him so he knows that you are still there for him. those things go a long way for a guy working as hard as he is.